Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sometimes you need to wear more clothing.

I feel like I'm on a Public Service Announcement roll. Yesterday I talked about feet and today I'm going to talk about fat people. Or maybe they aren't even fat but they sure as hell are not model thin.

We've all encountered a person who is much larger than the clothing they are wearing. I will be the first person to admit it's important to have good self esteem and a healthy body image of yourself. I think it's probably pretty accurate to say confidence comes, at least in part, by how you feel you look on the outside. But I also believe that people need to not only own a mirror, but they need to use it. A mirror will not lie to you. A mirror does not make you look awesome when in real life you look like your ass is eating your shorts. So let's break this down.
  • Rompers don't look good on anyone. I don't care what anyone says, I'm anti-romper unless you are 5 or under.
  • If you have stretch marks on your arms, boobs, back, neck, etc- you have no business wearing a tank top.
  • If you are a hefty person, you need to make sure you are adequately covered. Just because it comes in your size does not mean it's OK to wear.
  • If your thighs touch in any area you have no business wearing short shorts. You just can't. Same with mini skirts.
  • If you are beyond a very perky B cup, you have no business wearing any top that you go braless with. You either find a very supportive strapless bra or you find a different shirt.
  • If you are wearing a halter top, you need a strapless bra. It's not cute for us to see your bra straps. It ruins the shirt.
  • Spandex and leggings are not OK. I don't care how skinny you think you are. Same with jeggings.
  • If you are out of elementary school, it is not OK to be rocking the Tweetie Bird shirt. I know Walmart sells them cheap and you think it's cute, but it's not.
  • I don't care how god damn poor you are, there is no excuse not to wash your clothing. My mom was a single parent with two kids and our clothes were always clean. I know for a fact you can get a giant jug of Xtra detergent for $1.99 at Walgreens.
  • It is never OK to go out into the world with your pajamas on.
  • If you put a shirt on and all you can see are stomach rolls? You need the next size up.
  • If you put pants on and you have muffin top? You need the next size up.
  • If you put a bra on and your boobs are spilling out of the cups? You need the next cup size up.
  • If you put your bra on and you have back rolls appear? You need the next band size up.
  • Socks with sandals? Never OK.
  • If you are a man you need to not be wearing rhinestones on your jeans. And no skinny jeans.
  • If you are wearing a light colored shirt- match your bra accordingly. I don't want to see your leopard print bra under your white shirt.
What other fashion faux paus did I miss? I went to the mall this evening and I was being bombarded with fashion no-no's everywhere. I'm not the most fashionable person, but at least my clothes fit, are clean, are ironed, match, and fit my body type. It's not that hard, folks.

12 comments:

prettylittlereckless said...

LOL your mall is hilarious for fashion offenders! Probably wasn't hard to find material for this post :)

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

I couldn't agree more I have seen some big women and men while out shopping wearing clothes that are far too small for them and I think to myself do you think you look good because you don't. I wear leggings but only under skirts or long dresses during the colder months.....

Jennifer Kay said...

You would be so proud...this big girl is headed to work today in a tube top.

Love the post!

Ang said...

Amen!

deannaburasco said...

Love this post! I needed a good laugh this morning. Thanks Sara! Now I'm off to take off my socks then put my sandals back on.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Your clothes need to fit properly. So many fashion issues are due to fit issues because most of us are not exactly a size whatever, we are a 10 in the boobs but a 12 in the waist & so you buy a 12 so the tee is not tight on your abs but then it blouses at the boobs. You are a 14 in the hips and a 10 at the waist, so there is always a gap there. I've learned to sew for just that reason. A tuck here & there can make all the difference & most are really not that hard to do.

I watch lots of What Not to Wear.

Jill said...

I have heard a good rule of thumb for mini skirts is:

If it's more wide, than long...

Don't wear it!

Matt said...

I'm going to have to slightly disagree with a couple:

*I've seen plenty of "bigger girls" whose thighs happen to touch pull off the short shorts/mini skirts look quite nicely. Or maybe I'm just a sucker for legs.

*I feel it is acceptable to wear pajamas outside - if you're in college. Not everyday, but trust me there were days where even I just threw something on to go take a test

*The rest I'm ok with. But if I'm wearing socks and need to run outside, I will slip some sandals. And if you happened to walk by and laugh at me I would throw my sandal at you ;)

devilishdelish said...

I would have to disagree with you on a few things. First of all, men in skinnies... yes please! Keep em coming, boys! And leggings and jeggings are adorable. Fact.

Other than that, spot on.

Love you, doll.

____j said...

I laughed at most of these, but [& you're probably going to hate me for this] I definitely wear leggings...often. HA.

thecurseofcurvesinmpls said...

I had a conversation the other day with my trainer on what she likes to call "skinny fat people". The kind of people who eat like shit and are lazy, skin hanging and have a muffin top because they wear a size 0 even though they're a size 4 in real life...yeah skinny fat people.

Shit, I'm a size 4 and get muffin top on the occasional pair of jeans so guess what I do? I put them back and don't buy them. DUH. People need a clue. :)

Sarah said...

Ahh, you would hate me. I wear pajamas outside, but usually just my porch and they don't look pajama-ish. I can't find a bra size that fits (I'm BFing so they change sizes on an hourly basis). I also have a favorite leopard print bra that shows through all my shirts except my black ones (I try not to wear it with any but the black ones, but when do I ever have all my clothes clean? Never, with two kids there's always laundry). This post made for a great laugh though!