Pretty much everyone knows I have a nose piercing. If you don't, then that means you're blind. Surely you remember my incident detailing where I said it hurt like a bitch and I would never do it again yet I posed my picture looking like I had been crying which I swear I wasn't.
I got it stuck on my bath towel on Saturday and it pulled totally out of my nose. Now, before you cringe I will say that I didn't even feel it come out until the very end and it didn't hurt. Swearsies. But I am not going to lie, I stood on the bath mat stark naked and freaked the fuck out.
(One thing you should know about me? Is that I don't like needles. I don't like anything that could possibly involve blood. I haven't had a tetanus shot since the 6th grade and well... I'm going to be 30 in March. My cause of death is most likely going to be Lock Jaw or something.)
So I hurried and got dressed. I had a cork screw stud so I figured (wrongly) that I could just pop that bitch back in. After 20 minutes of trying to shove it back in, angling my wrist in weird positions thinking that would help, I decide I'm not giving up. I did what any self respecting 20something does when faced with a problem. I go to the Internet! Specifically YouTube! I watch no less than 28 YouTube videos on how to put a corkscrew nose stud back in. None of them are helpful!
I start looking for more info online and I see that nose piercings can close up within 60 minutes of it not having something in it's hole. Um, fuck. Because at this point? I'm quickly approaching that 60 minutes. So I call Tammy. She of course laughs at me and tells me to keep twisting it in and just shove it through. I try, but I can't because feeling the inside of my nose being poked is making me feel like I might throw up. So I decide to call Matt. At work. And claim it was an emergency. Because, it kind of is. So he comes home. He's super good with tools and small things so I thought he'd breeze through it.
Not so, as it turns out.
So I call Tammy back and she agrees to get dressed (it's almost 10 am) and come over to help me. YAY. Except then I realize that hey- it's almost 10 am and I'm supposed to be at my friend Emily's house to go shopping at 10:30. Oh damn. Thankfully, my super smarts kicked in and I remembered that Tammy and Emily live near each other (kind of) and it would make more sense to drive to Tammy's! So I call Tammy back to tell her my plan and I get into my van and drive off with my corkscrew nose thing in a Ziploc bag. I race like a demon out of hell down the road and the fact I didn't screech going around her corner is a miracle.
After I get there she informs me that my corkscrew is not going back into my nose- it's too big and that my hole is probably closing up, if not already on the inside. Luckily, she had an extra (when you buy them they come in packs of three) and she said that would work. So we trim it, sterilize it, and I try to do it myself. NO GO.
I agree to let Tammy try, but again, NO GO. Finally, her husband Chad offers to do it. Tammy assures me he got hers in so it'll be fine. Right before he does it, they both remind me that you know, we're friends and I'm basically in their dining room on my own accord. Frightening, especially when Chad essentially re-pierces my nose at that very moment with this corkscrew stud. Then because I'm an idiot, I rubbed a Qtip full of rubbing alcohol onto my newly re-pierced nose.
Guess what? That burns. It burns a lot.
Then I left and went shopping. Without makeup. At the mall. I was in a such a state of panic that I left my house to go shopping at a mall with no makeup.
But the follow up is that my nose is still sore. And this morning in the shower, the fucking thing came out AGAIN. Again, folks. This time, I was so pissed that my nose had the fucking audacity to do such a thing that I just shoved it in on my own. And it didn't hurt. Sure, it bled a little but it's fine now. The only downside to this one is that the inside corkscrew isn't much of a corkscrew? It's more of a little hook so I constantly feel like it might fall out? So I think pretty soon I will get another one that's maybe longer? We'll see.
In other super fun news- please, please, PLEASE check out my Etsy shop! I have a bunch of stuff on super clearance and I've reduced prices on everything. Some stuff is more than half off! There are a bunch of things that would make cute Christmas gifts so this is a good time to get some good deals. I need to make room for new stuff coming in (I only have a small area to store finished projects) and I need money for new tires. And Halloween costumes. (Speaking of which- this year to get costumes for my kids that aren't flimsy pieces of shit since it's usually like 35 degrees on Halloween and you will freeze your ass off, I might be looking at spending $75 total. ROBBERY.)
I have some Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas cards in there too. The picture frames? $5. STEAL. So go over there and snatch up some goodies.