One of the reasons I hate being an adult is that I have to be responsible. Not just responsible as in don't break the law, but having to pay your own bills and be responsible for what you need.
And every fall I am reminded at how much I hate this. I really wish I had someone that could pay my bills for me or when things get hard I can just have them bail me out. I look at some people I know who still rely on their damn parents for stupid stuff and I think it's a shame because those people are learning nothing. And I'm kind of bitter because I feel like everything I have it's because we've struggled for it. Which is a good thing.
Right now our house is currently a whopping 58 degrees. I am refusing to turn my gas heat on because I know I can't afford a high utility bill. I'm trying to hold out until at least November 1 which, thank god, is next week. This means that we are freezing. Like, legit freezing. This evening we sat as a family on the couch (four people and two cats) huddled in sweatpants, sweatshirts, our bath robes and shared a blanket. Why? Because it is that cold in our house and knowing that we can't afford a huge utility bill, we're conserving. Conserving sucks, folks.
The bitter pill is that even when we do turn the heat on we are still going to be freezing because *hey!* we have very little insulation in this house. Not only can we not afford to replace what is in our crawlspace, but we need to insulate the exterior of our crawlspace which is a lot of digging but also a lot of money. We could never get all of the money we needed this summer to do it. The plan is next summer, but you know how that goes. So again this winter, it will be frigid in my house.
On top of that I need a new computer. So if I just disappear from here for awhile, it's not because I'm boycotting blogging but rather the fact that my computer is nine years old and ready to die. The fact this bitch is even letting me do this right now is kind of awesome. Go, computer, go.
Then I realized I have Christmas coming up and that automatically stresses me out. I have things I'm committed to going to now and I need money for it. I have so many things on my list that require money and to be honest- I'm starting to freak out. I'm trying to just keep calm and focus on what I know I can do now but it's hard. Does this ever get easier?
So in the meantime, I'm going to keep clipping my damn coupons, wear the pants that are practically falling off my damn ass, and hope to god I can find kid snowpants at a second hand store soon because I know I can't pay $30 a pair for each kid. I'm just waiting for a break. A calm to come over me so I can feel less stressed out. I'm starting to wonder if all of my effort and hard work and stressing out to make things better for everyone around me is even worth it sometimes. I can't even get upset anymore when things come at me because I'm too damn tired to notice most days.
So with that- I am going to work on some giveaway things for a blog hop and hopefully garner some sales in my Etsy shop. I am able to work a few more hours at work so that will hopefully help out. I'm trying to focus on the fun things I have coming up because I so badly need a night away from all of it. And this weekend Matt and I are kid free so I hope we can just sleep in and be complete bums with our phone disconnected. Seriously. We both need a break. *sigh*