Halloween isn't one of my most anticipated holidays of the year. I think the only one that I look forward to is Christmas only because that gives me permission to decorate the house in a gross amount of decor that is only acceptable then. Halloween is just meh for me. But I celebrate it by spending a disgusting amount of money on costumes that these kids only wear for a short time and hoards of candy. I buy it early to get a good selection and of course I rip the bag open because I have absolutely no self control, and then eat it all. Then I have to go back the night before and get the shit that nobody wants and I get mad when I have left over candy because *dammit* I have to eat it. I can't just throw perfectly gross candy away. No. I have to eat it because you aren't supposed to waste food when you have starving people in Africa. (Even though I don't feel sorry for them because they could be killing animals and shit but no. They wait for good Americans to donate money. Lazy bastards.)
Anyways. Where were we?
Oh. So I get the kids their costumes and every single fucking year they agree to something. They freaking pick the damn thing out and every single fucking year, they complain when they have to wear it. Every year, peeps. This year I was on a budget. Mama ain't spending more than $20 on a god damn costume, and even that was pushing it. Jackson absolutely HAD to be Thomas the Train. Nothing else would do, not even the super cute robot costume for $10 online with free shipping. NOOOO... he wanted to be Thomas. Olivia wanted to be a witch that looked more stripper than witch and I said no, so we settled on her being a sailor girl, which she loved when she realized it would mean she would get to wear the hat and some new tights.
(Side note: We live in northern Wisconsin and it is typically in the 50's on Halloween at best. It's freezing, folks. Why haven't costume makers done anything about it? Why are they giving us skimpy outfits for fucking toddlers when they know those kids will freeze to death. The fun of Halloween is significantly dampened when nobody sees your costume under winter clothing.)
Anyways. Fast forward to Saturday. Boo at the Zoo- the one Halloween even we have done every single year with our kids. It's fun, it's trick or treating, it's seeing animals, it means free kids meal coupons at some restaurants, it's another excuse to use expensive costumes. It's a win all around. This year I would have to go it alone since Matt hates people and decided he was going to work. I figured I got this shit handled because my kids are awesome! My kids can follow directions! All will be awesome.
It started in the morning and we get the costumes on. Jackson declares several times during his 30 minute temper tantrum that he hates his costume, he looks stupid and he feels stupid. Olivia is not happy that she can't wear any more makeup than she is. I loaded her up yet she isn't happy. She's also mad she has to wear her white dress shoes that have hearts on them instead of the blue flats the girl in the picture wore and asked me several times why we can't stop and get her new shoes. The morning unhappiness is evident in the picture I tried to snap.
So we get into the van and get to the zoo. Once we got there and Jackson realized that every other kid had to dress up he felt kind of better. But once someone said, "Look! It's Thomas the Train!" he looked at me with such hate. He was really not happy.
But we get into the zoo and walk around. What I didn't fully take in was how hard it is to get a three year old to hold your hand constantly for two hours. I'm one of those paranoid parents that fears someone will snatch my kids. I am apparently the only one with that fear as every other parent let their kid run buck wild around the zoo while they chatted on their phones.
Matt seemed pretty damn impressed that I took both kids by myself. Only a parent rock star can do that and come home with both kids. I will say though, we only had a couple of challenging moments in the zoo and I was braced for more. I definitely felt high anxiety keeping track of both kids when it was so crowded. I'm just really hyper vigilante about that kind of thing and it irritates me when other parents take safety for granted and just assume their kid will be fine. I also get annoyed when you have parents texting or talking to people on their phones. Put that shit away- you're supposed to be hanging out with your kids.
Anyways. I did it. But you better believe Matt is on his own for trick or treating.