Friday, October 21, 2011

Dear Sara. (Later than usual, but still the mediocre quality you come to love)

I have just a couple of questions for you tonight. I am utterly exhausted... but I'm getting through my email inbox, have a few calls to make and I need to clean my kitchen. I let Matt be Mr. Mom last night for dinner/bedtime because of my cake class... and yeah. He didn't do dishes and left stuff sitting in bowls. *gag* Normally I can't sleep with my kitchen like that, but I feel like I'm on empty for days so I fell asleep in my outfit from yesterday. Yikes.

1. At least 2 nights (in a ROW) this week I've had dreams about my ex, my last boyfriend before my husband?  Dreams about hanging out with him, getting back together with him, etc.  Which, totally normal, I know, but in these dreams I'm always SO HAPPY to be with him, and one morning I was even disappointed when I woke up!  Which of course makes me feel like TOTAL CRAP, because my husband is wonderful to me and we're happy.  But my ex, well, he was The Big One as far as loves of your life goes, and when we broke up it did a number on me........I don't know, but BLEH.  Of course, when I was with my ex it was also an all-around different period of my life;  mid-twenties, drinking, shows, general frivolity.  And things are obviously very very different now, and sometimes I miss those days, like, a lot.  So I'm thinking/hoping that maybe he's just SYMBOLIC of that whole phase of my life, which I admittedly miss at times?  And not symbolic of, you know, HIMSELF.  Either way, I still feel like the worst wife ever. Um, don't. Don't feel bad because this is something all women (and I'm sure men too) experience after marriage. Here's the problem- once you get married it's hard to feel like it's still exciting and awesome because quite frankly- you don't have to really try, right? You've already got the top prize, marriage, so what more could you win? The other kicker is that once you get married, you feel the weight of responsibility more and that sucks. Responsibility sucks and it's a hard pill to swallow when you know you can't just blow everything you have in your bank account for a fun party outfit. But here's what I have learned:
  • You have to still be true to you and know who you are. Find a hobby, do something that is for yourself that you enjoy.
  • Spend time with your husband doing things that you both really like. I think Matt and I really failed at that when we got married and it takes a toll on a marriage.
  • This is just a phase. If your ex was really "The One" you never would have broken up and you would have been able to work through whatever you had going on and you'd still be together.
  • It's OK to harbor feelings of whatever towards an ex. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad wife. Maybe really target what the specific thing about that person is making you feel that way and see if it is true for your spouse.
It really is just a phase and it might be due to stress or just things you have going on right now. But the tide will turn as it always does.

2. Have you ever had to deal with a bully? If so, what did you do or at least, how did you let it not bother you? Yes I have, both as a kid and as an adult. When I was a kid it was obviously much harder to deal with only because I was a kid and wasn't very self confident and so I let it beat me down. I pretty much just took it and figured eventually- I'd graduate and be able to give those kids the finger as I left the building for the last time. But as an adult I found it to be much easier. I don't know what it is about magically becoming an "adult" but I really came into my own. I felt much more sure of myself and have gotten more so as the years go by. I'm a much different girl at 29 than I was at even 21. Way different. Light years. I do believe in being upfront with people and if I have a problem with them, I will let you know. If I have a question, I will ask it. I don't like to fight with people and I try to resolve conflict as soon as possible and that has helped. Plus, at this point I don't really care what people think of me because I know who I am.

3. I am a senior in high school and my best friend from like third grade isn't talking to me. I have no idea why and I can't get her to text me, call me, nothing. And now she moved tables at lunch and I am pretty much ignored. Any advice on fixing this? Um, no. I say no because I'm dealing with a similar situation with someone I considered a friend who's basically ignoring me. But here's what I feel at this point: if you have made every possible attempt to reach out and made it clear that you would like to fix whatever it is and that person doesn't respond? They are not worth your time. They are not mature enough to talk something out or even tell you what you did and that's ridiculous. Just wait until you hit college- it gets worse. I really didn't think I'd have to deal with this at my age but I am and that's just sad. So if you have made the attempt to reach out to her and you get nothing, I am really sorry but that might be all you can do. But if you have been friends for so long, can you maybe talk to her mom or dad? I guess that depends on how well you know them too, but it might be worth a shot.
****

OK. If you have a question for me (about you, about me, about anything in between) send me an email at: sarastrand9438 (at) hotmail (dot) com and make sure you put "Dear Sara" in the subject line. It makes it easier for me to pick it out on Fridays.

Have a fantastic week- come back tomorrow for Domestic Bitch Saturday, yo.

1 comment:

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

Some great advice I have been bullied myself when I was younger and it sucks and it is hard to deal with and it is even worse when your children are bullied and you feel like there is nothing you can do to help.