No, I'm not talking about Florida and there incredibly insane and dangerous Stand Your Ground law which essentially means you can shoot anyone if you feel threatened. If I had a gun and that law existed in Wisconsin, I'd be killing at least three people every day. Not even kidding.
But I'm talking about this show Doomsday Preppers. I was told by the lovely and hilarious Finny that I absolutely should be watching this what with my love of Hoarders. Have you seen this show? I have it on DVR now and I watch it absolutely horrified and terrified.
Folks- there isn't much scarier than Mormons, but when you pair Mormons with guns? Bitch you best be running.
One episode I watched focused on three "preppers". One was a guy who believes that we're all going to die by solar flare. He is fully prepared to kill his neighbors if it should come to that. He makes his wife, who looks like she was maybe a mail order bride to begin with, practice scenarios is case marauders come and try to take their weird radios and shit. He was tame compared to the next woman.
She believes that someone is going to unleash a nuclear bomb in the United States. Not in a main metropolitan where the death toll would be devastating beyond belief, but rather in Great Falls, Montana. Because when you think of "places that should be bombed" Montana hits the top of the list, doesn't it? Moreover, she believes once Great Falls is bombed, they will all flock to her in Helena because she's "upwind". So she has converted her house into a really scary version of organized hoarding. She has soup packets taped in door panels, food taped to shelving, stored under beds, in rafters, behind and in books, basically if it's a bizarre location, she will store some type of food there. Don't worry, if you show up bleeding, she has stocked up on maxi pads to tape to your head. Her poor husband is an unwilling participant and you pretty much could tell he thinks she is bat shit crazy but you can't fight crazy.
But the topper of it all?
The guy who lives in Idaho with his family of like 5 kids. They practice foraging for bugs and shit and they make meals out of meal worms and other disgusting bugs. All of the kids have to eat them so they get used to them should they need to. Why would they need to? Well, this guy thinks someone is going to dirty bomb Idaho. I don't know if he believes in dirty bombs hitting Idaho or maybe lives near meth labs.
They have routine "drills" in which they are seen taping their windows, going to a safe room (which is on the second floor of the house), gather weapons, and they pump air out of the house? I'm not sure what the accordion like thing on the wall was, but the kids were enthusiastically pumping it during their drill. They have a fox hole too. Because nobody will thing a mound of dirt with wood and obviously holes is out of place in a desert with nothing around it. Oh no.
What alarms me about this was that this guy has his kids, some as young as 7 out there shooting guns. Does anyone else feel this is kind of scary? It's one thing to say you're teaching your kid hunting safety, though at that age even that's kind of pushing it for me, but it's quite another to tell them they need to learn how to shoot because if they fail they will die. Christ. When I was 7 I was worried about stranger danger, good touch/bad touch, and not mastering straw insertion in a Capri Sun. (You know what I'm talking about, sometimes it's a bitch to get the straw in just right.)
I almost choked on my pizza rolls when I saw at the end of the show he now has an AK-47. Holy fucking shit. First off, why are regular people allowed to buy guns like this? In what "hunting" situation would an AK-47 be the best choice of a weapon? I really am starting to think that while background checks are fine, maybe a mental health examination should also be mandatory. Clearly not every gun toting crazy has broken a law yet, but they should not have weapons. Can you imagine if Idaho got a huge dust storm? This guy might think dirty bombs are dropping and he shoots down the mail man mistaking him for a looter.
Not to mention that not only are the guns disturbing, but so is the woman hoarding food. It's sad to think that she's hoarding this food that is most likely going to expire anyways when you have hundreds if not thousands of children starving in Montana alone. Instead of prepping for a nuclear bomb that might not ever come in her lifetime, she could be doing a good deed and feeding children.
It's interesting to see how one event in a person's life can morph into a really unrealistic fear that they feel the need to prepare for though the plausibility of it ever happening are slim to none. If Matt started hoarding shit like this I would have to take over everything, get him on medication and send him to a therapist.