I bet you were hoping I would flash some boob for you, but alas... I have failed you. There will be no gratuitous boob flashing here this evening, but instead let's talk about something that I've always felt was wrong but now that I'm a victim of it I'm even more enraged.
Which is how every good vigilante starts out.
I will start this off by saying I am a huge supporter of breast cancer awareness and prevention. I feel my boobies regularly and suggest you all do the same. Apparently though, I kind of suck at it? At my last doctor's appointment about two weeks ago or so she felt a lump. Not a huge one, not something glaringly obviously, but noticeably different than the other boob. She tells me I have very fiber cystic boobs anyways so it could very well mean nothing, more so because my period was about to happen and that kind of shit happens when your ovaries decide to attack you.
It's awesome to be a girl.
The only alarming thing was that in the back of my head I heard the exact same thing about the same boob at my OB appointment back in like November. Not one to jump to conclusions like a crazy white girl, I remain pretty calm and noncommittal about it. Then the doctor starts asking me about family health history and I wasn't super clear on it so I told her what I did know. My mom has had a biopsy, my maternal grandmother had a double mastectomy and eventually died from breast cancer (second bout of it). Her mother died of it as well even after a mastectomy. An aunt or something had breast cancer as well. Everybody was in their early 30's when it was first diagnosed and they all died by age 60. Except my mom who's never had it and is just fine now. But as I'm saying this, a little bit of dread comes creeping up my neck and I think... well shit. I always thought I'd die of a brain tumor but alas, my fucking boobs might be waging a sneak attack. Whores.
That's when my doctor flat out tells me that it's not a matter of if I'll have breast cancer, it's more like when. Well golly gee, that makes me just happy to hear. But she's right. I could do all of the genetic testing in the world but if you were a gambler, you'd gamble on me having breast cancer eventually.
So we go through the procedure of contacting my insurance about getting a mammogram and guess what they tell us? That I am not eligible to have my mammogram covered until I'm 40. FORTY. That's in ten years. A DECADE. I could very well be dead by then.
Now, I think this is some kind of bull shit because as a tax payer I am appalled that my government has nothing for me. Wouldn't you think an insurance company would rather pay for preventative things rather than surgery, chemo, and every other expensive treatment out there? You'd think that but you'd be wrong. The pisser of this was that the doctor, who was just as pissed off as I was, tells me if I lived in Canada and had universal health care this wouldn't even be a question. There would be no discussion it would just be assumed I could get this preventative care. But here? GOD FORBID we do such a thing.
So what do I do? Here are my options:
A) Wait until I'm 40 and hope for the best.
B) Get a mammogram and pay out of pocket. This would be a huge financial burden on us. I can't even ask Matt to work another hour of overtime because he is consistently at 70+ hours a week at work as it is.
C) Try to see if I can get an ultrasound instead and see if that would detect anything suspicious. Even if it did, I'd be right back at B again.
What I'm going to do:
I am going to call the insurance company yet again tomorrow to see if I can get a mammogram. I hope that maybe if I get someone who speaks fluent English and is the owner of two boobs and a vagina, I can get a better answer. Failing that, I'm going to ask about the ultrasound. Ultimately, I will be making an appointment for something because to not do anything would be reckless and irresponsible considering I have a family to think about. Unfortunately, we're in the always fucked over Middle Class living the American Dream, so we do not qualify for any programs to help defray the cost of things like this. It just frustrates me that resources out there who are meant to help people are either not there or are being used up by people who are fully capable of helping themselves and choose not to. (I'm talking to you, Mrs. Prada purse carrying, designer clothes wearing, Hummer driving welfare recipient buying Cheetos at the grocery store because you flat out tell the cashier you have the worst fucking munchies in a week, as you drive back to your income housing. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could get a real job if you had none of the handouts that let you afford all of this.)
And can I just say I am really pissed off about all of the birth control debate right now? Seriously, I don't think any man has a right to say whether or not birth control should be covered under a health insurance plan or not. The fact is, some of us take it for reasons other than contraceptive. And not all of us are whores. I have to take it because my insurance won't cover Matt to get the big snip snip, and I'm sorry- I don't have $1500 just laying around. But if I have to pay for a mammogram and he works more hours, that might just work itself out since I'll never see him and getting pregnant won't be a concern.
Ah-- I see what you did there, Government. Sneaky bitches.
I'd also like to know how its fair that rulings and laws and such are made based on religion or what could very well end up being a book of fiction? Really? Not everyone is Christian, why should we have to live by the rules of that general faith? I don't get it. If you don't believe in birth control or abortions or whatever, then don't do it. Why can't it just be that simple? Why can't we offer the choice to everyone and if it suits you, super. If not, no harm done?
But the bottom line? Every time I hear someone bitch about Obama, ObamaCare, or Democrats? I get angry. Because I feel like until you are in a position like this or where Matt and I have worked so hard to get back from, you don't get it. Unless you know what it's like to not qualify for WIC while pregnant but can't buy milk for your daughter? I kind of feel like you shouldn't have a say in any of this. Especially these people who are grossly wealthy telling me that moving towards a universal healthcare would only make everything worse. Oh yes, because what we have now is so stellar.
So. Think happy thoughts about my boobies, even though I'm sure it's nothing and I'm just angry and hyper sensitive and frustrated. No matter what, I will get checked out even if it means I sell one or both of my cats into prostitution or breeding. Matt and I both have good kidneys, maybe we can each sell one. Who knows. But it'll happen and I'll keep you updated. It'll be fine, but just think of people like me who get stuck in these ridiculous predicaments because people don't consider the consequences of refusing to compromise with others.