So last Friday, I got together with some of my favorite friends (Tammy, Emily and Amy) to see the Chippendales. There is so much that I can write about that evening, but I'm going to try to give you a good idea how it was without taking forever.
First off, we ate at the buffet at the Hinckley Casino. Um, worst decision ever- that shit be foul. FOUL. I couldn't even look forward to the dessert bar because even that was shit. About 3/4 of the dessert bar was unrecognizable so I couldn't eat it. But there were highlights to this dinner:
Then we walked through the smokiest casino ever and made our way to the show area. We got semi decent seats in the section to the side of the stage. But let me tell you something- as my first time seeing male strippers, I felt grossly over dressed. I didn't slut it up like I wanted to because I felt fat that day, but I felt like I still looked cute. But the majority of these women were wearing very little and almost all of them should have been wearing more because we don't want to see your vagina.
I have to be honest- long hair on a guy does nothing for me. Also what does nothing for me? Giant moles on the back of your thigh near your ass. Fail.
Next up? Bryan.
The best part of the show was watching a woman give a blow job to a banana like a god damn PRO. If I could have gotten a lesson from her, I'd be making a lot of money right now. She even blew the damn strippers away because that lady knew what she was doing.
Obviously the best part of the entire show was laughing my ass off until I had tears rolling down my face. I just can't take any many seriously while he gyrates like that. I just can't. But I had such a great time because it was my first time and it was so cheesy, it was a really fun time.
On Saturday, my mom and I had our yard sale for the majority of the day and I got sun burned. That's not hot. But later that evening, Tammy and I decided that we would go to another casino to see the Thunder From Down Under.
The best part of this event were the people. Holy jesus. I though that the hot mess women on Friday were bad, oh they had NOTHING on the ladies from Saturday. First up, this group of women were far more rowdy than on Friday. I made friends with three drunk girls next to me. The one who's name was Sara as well was 35 and unhappily married as she slurred to me. So, yay. She dumped most of her drink into my shoe as well as her pickle. Yeah, this chick had a pickle in her cosmopolitan, and it felt into my shoe. That was kind of awkward.
But what Tammy and I did not know was that the men actually came out into the crowd to rub themselves on you, they want you to shove money down their thongs, they hug you, you will be violated. If you have a personal space issue, you absolutely should not go to this show. I'm just sayin.
So onto the men, bitches!
Dave was kind of hot.
But my favorite? I would have done filthy things to him right then and there to Benny the emcee.
Admittedly, I have a thing for boys with mohawks. He had kind of the alt rocker/bad boy/cocky/funny hot guy combination which was always kind of my weakness. And then you through on an accent and yeah. Cleanup in row 3, seat 2 please.
But this show was insane. The men would come out and dance badly, take off clothes, then come out to the crowd and you'll get your ass slapped, boob grabbed, hugged, gyrated against, etc. The great thing was that the drunk girl next to me kept giving me money to shove down men's pants. I'm sorry, but who is going to turn that down? So I got my hand down some pants, I got a hug from Dave (see above) and he slapped my ass. So win.
It was a good weekend. If male strippers come again, I would totally go. I laughed so hard at both shows and totally got into the filthy woman role. It was a great time and Tammy totally said she'd go with me again. HA. Desperate housewives unite.