Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Why you shouldn't get excited until something is finished.

So, you remember that time I posted about my glorious, so far free, deck that Matt is being a total rockstar on and is obviously jockeying for a blow job?

Yes, of course you do because that was only yesterday you senile lambwhore.

Well, I should know better by now than to praise for such amazing hard work before a project is 100% finished because I have never had a truly finished project in this house. Nothing has ever ended up the way it was intended and I know this. I know all of this yet I'm quick to praise. It's like premature ejaculation but worse consequences.

Matt was lounging on the couch yesterday and I was all, "HEY! How about you start putting railings on the deck you bum!" (You see that? It's called project management- it's how stuff gets done.) And he reluctantly went outside in the gorgeous weather and proceeded to do just that.

 Isn't it glorious??

So I was so excited and I may have done a happy dance.  To the left of the picture is where the four foot wide step is going to be, so he needs the stair stringers in before he can start on that side, which is totally reasonable. So I was like, "Hey- why don't you do the other side?"

To which he sheepishly tells me that he has a problem with that. You see, Matt failed to measure the railing sections before building the deck and just went ahead and made it 12x12 because golly gee, that is a nice even size to accommodate his wife's OCD. Except that now our problem is that this side here? 
Is too wide for one section, and it would look weird if he cut another section to half ass it. If he only puts one section in, it's like a sizable gap between the railing and the house. Awesome.

You see what I mean how NOTHING in my house can get done properly? Now, if this were anyone else's house? He would have measured everything a thousand times and would have had a draft drawing to go off of and it would have been home improvement show worthy. Our house? Ghetto fabulous all the way baby.

So he assures me he "has a plan" which better not involve buying a big grill and maybe a hedge, because this bitch will lose it.

I have also decided that since he is putting a really ugly crawl space window right there (you can see the window in the picture kind of), we're going to make a patio landing in front of the window and I'm going to put a large planter (on wheels) in front of it so you don't see the window. I'm a fucking genius. SO, I have to go online and figure out how to do that myself because I'd rather Matt spend his efforts on fixing the deck situation.

Stay tuned.

9 comments:

middle child said...

You stole my comment dammit! I was going to say have him do the porch around that corner and back to the house. AND to put planters in that space. But I do have a question oh Great Lambwhore leader...are you saying I should be getting rewarded for all these blow jobs I've been giving Hunter for free? If so, then he owes me two for the past week! What gifts should I expect?

____j said...

LOL at least he has a plan ;)

Ruth said...

Nothing ever works according to plan on my house either.
My house is almost 100 years old and was built oddly. It was built and than the second half was added years later. Rooms were changed and enclosed and just a whole lot of crap. Studs aren't straight which is a pain when doing drywall. It always takes 2 or 3 times longer than planned. Costs more too. Good times!

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

We're putting a mudroom on our house. The walls are up but we've been stalled on the roof due to rain. It was semi nice out Monday & DH goes out to start cutting the roof trusses & realizes he needs some special board to nail them to the existing roof line - *he thinks* since while he was looking at the existing roof he realized he can't remember just *how* he meant to do the roof trusses in the first place.

Just how hard is it to plan this stuff out on paper before starting?

Ang said...

focus on the positive... at least you have one side done and legal! good luck with the rest!

Kattrina said...

This kinda reminds me of Home Improvement - did you ever watch that show? Matt is like Tim.

Can you put steps in that area? It looks like a good place to walk down some steps maybe.

Good luck!

Stephie @ Our Marriage Adventure said...

I'm with everyone else - he has a plan. I've been waiting 3 years for new flooring (previous owner, vinyl linoleum its all I will say) and my husband keeps telling me we have to replace the baseboards first. Which would be fine if he would just do it already!

You have a deck - ;) At least you can stand on it.

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

These men of ours are really something. Andy stuck his hand in the side of the house yesterday thinking that would solve the dryer problem. Guess what? It didn't. I'm very anxious to see how Matt fixes your deck, haha.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Story of my life. Usually it's because we run out of money though.