Tuesday, June 12, 2012

8 years of bliss. Sometimes.

So today is my eighth wedding anniversary. It's also the eighth year in a row Matt has rejoiced that he has made it another year to sit and bask in my awesome and everyone should only be so lucky.

You guys know that I am nothing but honest but sometimes I wonder if I knew then what I know now.. would I still have gotten married? The answer really is yes.
In the course of our eight years we have had to deal with two kids, buying a home, being flat ass fucking broke, Matt losing his job, mental health issues, infidelity, my post-partum depression, bankruptcy, having to start all over from scratch, health scares, job problems, and so much more not even in that order. To have all of that and more in either years on one couple is a lot. And I mean a lot. Not to mention it is really hard to learn how to be a good wife and a good mother all while keeping your identity as a person and not losing yourself. Nobody ever talks about that part of adulthood and that's where I think a lot of people go wrong- they lose themselves and then blame the spouse when really, it's your own fault and I was guilty of that.

There have been points in our marriage where I have really questioned us staying together, maybe we should just get divorced, sometimes I've felt like I'm the only one trying to make things work, and the spark is hardly ever there, and I often wonder maybe there is something better out there. We truly are absolute opposites as people. I'm outgoing, fun, social and he is not. He is one of the most anti-social, un-fun people I know. And I'm not even saying that as a put down, it's just a fact. He really doesn't like other people and when I get him to join me with other people I am always on edge he'll come off as a jerk because he's not a jerk, he's just not great at social interaction. So it's probably one of the reasons he and I work- I over compensate for him.

But no matter how bad things have gotten or how low I have ever felt, divorce just isn't an option. And I'll tell you why.
Because I know deep down? We are a good couple. He really is the ying to my yang, the macaroni to my cheese, the tampon to my vagina, he is the only other person that could take the amount of shit I dish to him with such a calm attitude. He is a lot of things and lacks in a lot of areas but I am no walk in the park either. This may be shocking, I know, but I can be a handful. I'm moody, bossy, bitchy, sassy, overly organized, controlling, my OCD is enough to turn anyone into an alcoholic, I'm demanding, inquisitive, adventurous, and I have a hard time making up my mind when faced with choices. I'm difficult, peeps.
And Matt handles it with grace. He really does. Sure, he pisses me off and I sometimes give him the side eye with an unsaid warning to stay in line while we watch shows about wives murdering their husbands and I'm only half joking, but I'm lucky. I'm lucky that he's an awesome dad, he's a great provider, he puts up with my shit and my baggage, he lets me go to concerts and fun things with my friends, he gives me all of the room I need to not go postal on the family.

When I said my wedding vows I really meant them. Every issue we have ever had has fallen into the better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. Every single one of them. I get kind of annoyed when people who have lesser issues than we have call it quits and throw in the towel because if Matt and I can bounce back? Anybody else can. Because not only do we love each other? We value each other in each of our lives. No matter what Matt will always be a part of my life even if he walked away tomorrow and I know I would be in his. Though we'll never do that. We somehow make it another year every year and I don't take that for granted.

We know first hand that marriage is work. It is hard work. After all of this time I have learned that I can't change him and that means that he will never be romantic. He wasn't before and he won't just suddenly learn it. He is a terrible communicator and he isn't going to turn into someone who can express his feelings. He may not work on our relationship the way I think he should but he does it in his own ways, like when he randomly does dishes. Sure, he might do a terrible job but that's his way of helping me out and saying he knows I am frazzled. I've finally learned to appreciate the things he does do instead of focus on the things I wish he did better. And that makes me sad for all of those people who got divorced too soon and never got to that point, because this is kind of a good spot to be in. I feel like I actually found my niche in life and I didn't think I would ever get here.
So happy eight years baby cakes. I still look at you and am secretly thrilled you picked me out of all the girls trying to get your number. That of the girls you dated I'm the one you thought would make a great baby mama and wife. xo

13 comments:

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Congratulations to both of you hope you have many more wonderful years together........

Jane Marynik said...

This is truly awesome Sara. I just celebrated 10 years with my husband. While my OCD pales in comparison to yours and I'm only outgoing after a few beers, your post is spot on Craig and I. Like you said, the key really is focusing in the things (many and important) he does rather than the things (rather few and trivial) that I wish he didn't suck so bad at. Nobody else would put up with my shit like him. I am both ashamed and grateful for that. Anyhow, I didn't mean to ramble on YOUR anniversary. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Life Love & High Heels said...

Aww. Happy Anniversary dear friend. Marriage is hard work for sure. I hate it when people don't even give it a chance. When I see people younger than me on their second marriage? omg. Wth.... I wish people took it more seriously like you obviously have. :)

Ang said...

Congrats Sara!!! Here's to many more years!

Kattrina said...

Congrats!! And you are so right - I also think people give up too soon. Marriage is HARD WORK!! You are an amazing couple and I wish you many more years of happiness. And I loved seeing your wedding photos!!!

Stephie @ Our Marriage Adventure said...

Thank you for the inspiration you provide me to get to my 8th anniversary. We're recently surviving some of the items you listed and holy hell its hard. But clearly, it can be done.

Happy Anniversary!!!

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

Oh girl. You know I love you. Happy Anniversary. And punch Matt for me :)

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

Happy Anniversary!!!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I could have wrote this. Only I'm not as good of a writer lol. Happy Anniversary! It's hard work being married. Every year I'm amazed we've been married so long but I really can't even imagine what it would like to not be married to my man.

And I so had to s nicker at the "tampon for my vagina". I'm sure he loves that analogy!

Gini said...

Happy anniversary! I very much look forward to meeting your scowly, anti-social other half. :D

____j said...

Sorry I'm late, but happy anniversary!!

Ruth said...

Happy anniversary!

Eileen Ward said...

Happy Anniversary! Mine was yesterday actually, 3 years! I'm so sending this to my husband because it's pretty similar to what we're going through.