Almost all of you know I am a reluctant resident of Wisconsin. I say reluctant because if I could list out every state in our country to live in, Wisconsin would not be at the top of the list. Not even in the top half of the list. But alas, we're stuck here with a mortgage, kids, and a job Matt is not willing to quit and so here I am. Sitting in the fucking cheese state which is ironic because I only like a couple kinds of cheese and it comes processed. I also don't drink beer so that alone sets me apart from 99% of the state.
We currently have a butt fuck of a governor, Scott Walker, who is an idiot on many levels. Today was his recall election and I'll admit to voting solely because I don't want to be yelled at for not voting from my political friends and because if you are a woman who does not vote it's like you're giving the big FUCK YOU to generations past. I didn't vote because I actually care or think this election will change anything. It won't. Even if Scott Walker gets ousted, if you honestly think Tom Barrett will do a better job given the state legislature group he has, you are high as a mother fucking kite. And while I'm not pro-union, I don't agree with Walker just shutting unions down. Everybody should have the right to assemble. If the KKK can assemble here, surely we can let some union workers assemble. Never mind the fact that no matter what election you're voting in, NOBODY has a god damn clue as to what they are talking about and pull "facts" out of their assholes like it's a never ending scarf. It's ridiculous and sometimes I wonder what the benefit of democracy is if politicians remain corrupt, nobody can compromise/negotiate like adults and nobody takes responsibility for anything. I mean, really, I'm open for anyone to tell me what the benefit is here.
But what I do hear a lot is how can candidates get voter turnout to be better? How can we get people to get their lazy asses to the polls to "make a difference" and let their "voice be heard"? Well I have an awesome suggestion.
How about not having senior citizens at every polling station running it?
Now, before you throw the old people haterade at me, let me be clear: I love me some old people. I do. I worked in a senior volunteer program for years and the only thing about that job that I loved were all of the volunteers. Even the ones who called to tell me about bladder infections and other ailments on a regular basis. They were great and I have a huge appreciation to them as people. I also think they are a really under utilized resource- they could be, should be, and want to be doing more for their communities and we should let them.
We should not let 8 of them all volunteer at once at a polling station.
On Saturday, I got this card in the mail with my address and name, along with several neighbors, listed on it. It has the last three elections printed on there with check marks indicating which ones we all voted in. Never mind the fact that this violates all KINDS of privacy laws and common decency, but it has me listed as not voting since 2008. Um, really? Because I have voted in EVERY ELECTION SINCE I WAS 18, which for the record, was 12 years ago. So right off the bat, this is weird. But I forgot about it until today.
Today while voting, I see the line for last names between M-Z. Hey, I go there because my last name starts with an S. So I'm standing in line with FOUR other people, ID out and ready, and this old lady comes up to me.
Old lady: Excuse me, ma'am? Are you confused?
Me: Uh, no. I'm in line?
Old lady: Do you need me to help you get in line?
Me: Well, no. My last name starts with "S"... so I'm in the right line.
Old lady: Well if you aren't sure, I'm here to help.
At this point I just do the polite smile but am really wondering in my head if these volunteers broke out of a nursing home for the day for the free donuts.
Once I get to the table, I tell them my name. They cannot find me in either of the two books. I give them my driver's license. They cannot find me in either of the two books. As they are furiously flipping pages, I see they are looking under "Stand" instead of "Strand". I pipe up and say my last name but with emphasis on the "r". The one lady proceeds to tell me that I need to be a registered voter and I need a registration form. I proceed to tell her that I have voted in every election for 12 years in this precinct so there is no way I am not in the book. She proceeds to tell me I'm being rude and I am not in the book. At this point, I saw my name again so I point and say, "Well there's my name. Right there. With the same address as my driver's license." At that time, all four women at the table starting ooooh'ing at the same time and one mentions her hearing aid isn't what it used to be.
So then they have to write your voter number down in the book and EVERY SINGLE ELECTION SINCE I WAS 18, I've had to hear, "We're out of sequence!!". At this point, four old ladies scramble to figure out how they fuck up such an error proof system as I stand there.
Please keep in mind at this point, it's me and one other voter who is by all appearances, scribbling and coloring her voter form as if this were a coloring contest. We have two bubbles to color in yet her form is all scribbled all over. But the important part is that there is no reason for us to be out of sequence with me being the only one at the number table.
So I get my form, color in my two bubbles, and go to the form sucker upper machine. I ask the lady if it needs to be face up or down. She says it doesn't matter. I say it absolutely probably does since my post card in the mail says I haven't voted in four years. She just shrugs and says to me, "I just am told to sit here and hand out stickers".
The best part? As I was leaving old lady #1 asked me if I was confused or if I needed help getting in line.
So, youth of America? If you really want to make a difference and be all helpful and political? Please for the fucking love of God, volunteer at a polling station.