Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Nebraska, Day One. Also known as "why I'm a fan of the Interstate system".

Let me just start this by saying that Dwight Eisenhower did us all a huge service when he put his seal of approval on the United States Interstate System. (At least I'm like 75% sure he did, and I'm too lazy to care and look it up so let's just all pretend that I am for sure right on this.) Because anyone who willingly ignores this system for whatever reason is an idiot.

Yet that is exactly what we did on Friday on our drive to Nebraska. MapQuest, Maggie the GPS and my iPhone all told me that I should expect to be on the road for about 8-9 hours. So knowing full well that I speed, I always assume it'll be at the lower end. Yet.. something in my gut told me to leave early. I was able to get Matt to convince his parents that we should leave Superior at 6:30 in the morning. Just in case. So that is what we did. You see, we were going to follow his parents all the way down. I even figured in the unnecessary stop in St. Cloud to stop at a craft store for Matt's mom. What I did not figure in was the following:


1. Matt's dad? Drives all over the road. I'm talking weaving, accelerating speeds, decreasing speeds, erratic use of a blinker when you aren't turning, etc. It was BANANAS. I can see where Matt got his road skills from. I also decided that I think maybe his parents are scared of traffic, thus leading us to #2. 


2. We took the longest fucking way possible. At about 2pm when I talked to my dad on the phone (who is an over the road truck driver, the master of the road, and can tell you what exit to take for any destination in the continental United States and has never had any kind of road violation EVER) and told him that in almost 8 hours of driving that we had not even gotten to Iowa yet? He started screaming, "What the FUCK, Sara? How are you not in Iowa? Where the hell are you?" I don't know, dad. Neither does the iPhone because we're so far fucking out we aren't pinging any kind of satellite. I can barely get reception on my phone and where the Wi Fi or 3G thing is on the phone, all I see is the letter "E" which I don't know what that is, but it means no internet. 

I'm not sure if you are familiar with the ass crack of America, but this is what it looks like.
 Corn.
 And more corn, with sporadic soy beans spread about.

Bitches, this was my view for 12 HOURS. Let me say that again, 12 HOURS. What? Yeah, 12 HOURS.
 Here's Matt and I while stopped in St. Cloud for Matt's mom's craft fix and everyone's pee break.

Also what sucks is that approximately oh... three hours into the trip? My fucking cd player in my van DIED. I'm talking will not work at all. Guess what also does not work? The shitty iPod player Matt got me for Christmas. I knew it was shit because it requires a radio signal to work, but my van gets really shitty radio signal and so it never works unless you hold this entire contraption at an impossible angle forever. So I get pissed off that I am not stuck between really shitty country music or Bible Bangers For Jesus radio. Not only for the remainder 9 hours of that trip but also the return trip on Monday.

It's like driving straight into Hell willingly.

Once we get to the hotel forever later, we were almost killed twice in the hotel parking lot within the span of ten minutes by two different drivers both on cell phones and oblivious to cars who are either parked or driving on the service road minding our own business. So in ten minutes my heart almost stopped. Twice. It was all very stressful.

Matt and I left our kids with Matt's parents for the evening to swim (or, as it turns out, just sit on the side of the pool scared of water) so we could go out to meet Gini and Shannon.
I have to be honest, I feel like a complete dumbass that I got NOT ONE PICTURE of any of us that night. Seriously. Blogger fucking FAIL. Gini got one of Matt and I... and I think that's it? I have no idea. But I had a great time. I have loved Gini for years, it's seriously been years now and she even sent me some really good jam once made from real fruit, which you all know I hate, and it was awesome. And then she's super pregnant and she's like the cutest god damn pregnant person ever and my uterus hurt and Matt gave me the side "don't fucking ask for another baby" eye and I got sad but realized now I have an excuse to buy baby clothes. WIN! And then Shannon is ridiculously taller than me and skinny and pretty and funny and yeah. Her and I email frequently and she's just so great and I'm glad we got to meet in person. AND their husband/boyfriend (respectively) are really great as well and I had a good time just getting to know them.

I felt like I was maybe a drag but having been in the car for 12 HOURS I was just happy to be there and be awake. But we went into Omaha to meet them, and we had appetizers at the Dundee Dell which is really hip and fun. Such a cool atmosphere all over the Dundee neighborhood too. After that we ended up going to this bar called Beercade which is as hilariously great as it sounds. It's a funky, relatively small, bar that has vintage arcade games. I'm talking PacMan, Donkey Kong, and a bunch of killing games that Matt was so enthralled with he apparently spent $25 (in quarters) playing. It was really fun. I wanted to stay out much longer but figuring it was about an hour (knowing Matt would get us lost and true to form, he did) to get back to the hotel, we duck out at 11:30. But I had a GREAT time hanging out with these lambwhores and they would totally fit in with my regular friends here at home.

(And Gini? You absolutely have to come for Bayfield Apple Fest one year because Matt won't ever take me, but if you and Eric were here he'd feel socially obligated. So... do it for me! I might even eat an apple that day!)

So.. day one was fucking exhausting. Day two was exponentially more awkward, but you'll hear about that tomorrow.

8 comments:

Jandy xx said...

Hi gorgeous, i've been catching up on your blog, it's been far too long! I cant believe the floods! i hope youre all ok, and hope you had (are having??) a great trip o nebraska :) xx

Mom Taxi Julie said...

That sounds like the longest car ride ever! I hope you just plugged your headphones in and listened to your iPod that way!

Ruth said...

Holy crap! 8 hours and not to IA. Insane!
You forgot to mention our fabulous wind turbines all over the northern part of the state.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I hate long drives that are made unnecessarily longer by others. We no long agree to drive with anyone, just to "meet you there" because otherwise we are driven nuts by our friends who don't really understand promptness or a desire to get from A to B without having a 'journey' happen on the way.

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

Seriously. How did we not take any pictures? I am so bummed.

Jill said...

When I drive from Colorado to Minnesota, Nebraska is always brutal. The only good thing is the 75 mph speed limit. I have never looked forward to Iowa so much!

Gini said...

I'm so glad I finally got to meet your snarky ass! I got a couple of pictures but they didn't lighten well. I'll put em up anyway...sometime. :)

Life Love & High Heels said...

I STILL cannot believe you guys took backroads the entire way. I would've ditched the in-laws and hit the highway! You have more patience than I do!