First up, don't forget to sign up for the swap. The graphic with all of the info shows up better on her blog than mine, so go there and sign up. Otherwise I may look down on you for being a fun killer.
In other news, holy fucking attitude Batman. What am I talking about? I'm talking about a particular 7 year old gorgeous, adorable, smart girl who all of a sudden is sassing back at everything and bursting into tears hourly. Seriously. If this is what 7 looks like, I am obviously screwed at say... 12.
I try talking to Olivia about why she feels so angry and sad and I get nothing. NOTHING. She won't talk about school, other than the fact they have these "clubs" at recess. And by "clubs" I mean a few groups of girls that pick and choose who can play with them that day and if you don't get picked, then you're out. And nobody will talk to you at all. Now, things were going OK until Olivia befriended a little girl who was in her class last year who is a nice girl. She's shy and has nobody to play with at recess so Olivia decided she would befriend her and all would be well.
Well, it's not all well and now Olivia is getting shunned from the clubs because this other girl isn't invited. It's kind of mean girls like stuff in first grade. Now, part of me wants to go down there and ask what the eff this is about but the other part of me is like, no. No, she has to learn how to fit in and get along with mean people. Not everybody raises their kids to be kind to others and really just be good all around. But what pisses me off is that all of my hard work in raising her for the last seven years pretty much goes to shit when you have other parents who don't care how their kids end up and it hurts mine. And I just wonder- how do you not know your child is mean to others? Because I see some of these kids in front of their parents and they are total snots and the parents just laugh it off. Um, no. Your kid is a flipping brat who needs their mouth washed out with soap, yo.
So in the middle of all of THAT, I have to deal with this attitude from her at home. Now, I think that because she feels like she has no control at school that she can get it here- like she will boss her brother around, roll her eyes at me, etc. She's taking her school frustrations out on us (primarily me because it's me dealing with kid stuff 99% of the time). It's really god damn annoying.
This morning I asked her to put her jacket on no less than 15 times and she bursts into tears. Totally crying as we're going out the door that I'm yelling at her. Which, totally not yelling at her, but when I ask you to do it 15 times, at some point I'd expect it get done. I'm not telling you to do this for my health, we need to go before we're late. But nope. She's very head strong and independent (like her mama) but I tell you what- I knew when not to fuck around with my mom. We butted heads but good lord. I could always look at my mom and know she wasn't messing around and she would slap you upside the head hard enough you'd feel it all day. So when she told you to do something- you fucking did it if you knew what was good for you.
Tonight she tells me she is mad at Jackson because he doesn't want to play with her anymore. Which, I'm sure compounded with the playground issues this is even worse. So, I get that. But at the same time? Jackson doesn't always want to play Barbies. Sometimes he likes to play trucks and run over his bad guys with a bulldozer. He's a boy and that's fun for him. And he likes to play alone and he does it quietly and it's great.
THEN, when they do play together now? Holy god dammit all to hell. Nothing but crying, fighting and at one point this weekend punching. Yeah- my kids punched each other over a Lego. Not a group of them, just ONE Lego. Because we don't have an entire Rubbermaid bin full of Lego's. It's just really frustrating and to have all of this on top of some other stress I've got going on? It's just too much. Some days I feel like not coming home and calling it good.
Most days I don't even feel the joy of parenthood. I can go several days/weeks without having one highlight of being a parent. I feel like it's times like this where I think maybe I wasn't cut out to be a parent. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist/OCD/controller to be a good parent. Maybe I'm too demanding of my kids and I have too high of expectations of good behavior all of the time. Because I tell you, any deviation from good behavior and my patience is none. If the kids get too loud I can literally feel my anxiety go up tremendously and I cannot handle it.
God dammit I need a vacation.