For years I have tried talking Matt into letting me have a goat. I would even settle for a mini donkey or a sheep. He says I can't have any of these. He also won't let me get a fluffy dog either.
Ladies- if you are engaged, you need to ask your future husband- would he let you have a goat? If not, he is not the man for you. He's an asshole dream killer in disguise.
I don't even know why I want any of these things other than they are kind of cute. For years I was telling Matt we'd save a shit load of money on birthday parties because we'd just have kids come over and play with the fainting goat. We'd have the most kick ass kid parties ever. He fails to see my reasoning but bitches when I spend money on parties.
*sigh* Life would just be so much easier if he would just listen to me.
Admittedly, I have no desire to do animal care- that is strictly his department, I just want to pet them. And don't tell me to go to the zoo because those animals died in the flood. I think they maybe have a new sheep or something but still. It's not the same.
A few weeks ago I left a comment on Shannon's blog about something and I obviously mentioned goats. Later that evening, she emailed me a conversation she had with her boyfriend Andy:
Andy: "who is sara? Why is this Matt an asshole dream killer?"
Shannon: "you met them. Remember? From WI?"
Andy: "Why is he an asshole dream killer?"
Shannon: "Because of lots of reasons. Mostly because he won't let her have a fainting goat "
Andy: "Well shit. I wouldn't let you have one either. "
Shannon: "You're an asshole dream killer then. "
This right here is why I love Shannon- she clearly gets me. She understands my plight. Then she sent me a fucking FANTASTIC YouTube on goat care for Matt.
I'm not joking when I tell you I want you to watch this.
Do you see those goats? They live in a neighborhood- these people aren't on a farm. So there's Matt first excuse out the window.
Secondly, "humans are attracted to diminutive animals that make cute noises". EXACTLY.
Thirdly, goats are browsers and not grazers. This means that they will mow the lawn- something Matt hates doing. He doesn't recognize that this would help him out. He would also have a friend to hang out with in the garage.
They also burp a lot, which Matt would also have in common with the goat. They rarely get to be more than 40 pounds and honestly, Stumpy is half way there on his own. And Batman.
Sure, the goats need supervision and a fence would probably be ideal. And they might eat the sandbox and probably every plant in my yard. And probably the old garage. But honestly, we'd be a good family for a goat. They might not be legal but I'm surrounded by pedophiles- none of them call the cops to report goats.
So guess what I did??
I signed Olivia up for 4H. And I maybe wrote on there that she has an interest in goats.
Knowing full well Matt will be the 4H helper since he was in 4H and I don't do outdoors or animals.
And I didn't tell Matt.
*BEST WIFE EVER*
(obviously, we'll see if any of this turns out but you can bet that there is more to come.)