Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Dreams of a goat.

For years I have tried talking Matt into letting me have a goat. I would even settle for a mini donkey or a sheep. He says I can't have any of these. He also won't let me get a fluffy dog either.

Ladies- if you are engaged, you need to ask your future husband- would he let you have a goat? If not, he is not the man for you. He's an asshole dream killer in disguise.

I don't even know why I want any of these things other than they are kind of cute. For years I was telling Matt we'd save a shit load of money on birthday parties because we'd just have kids come over and play with the fainting goat. We'd have the most kick ass kid parties ever. He fails to see my reasoning but bitches when I spend money on parties.

*sigh* Life would just be so much easier if he would just listen to me.

Admittedly, I have no desire to do animal care- that is strictly his department, I just want to pet them. And don't tell me to go to the zoo because those animals died in the flood. I think they maybe have a new sheep or something but still. It's not the same.

A few weeks ago I left a comment on Shannon's blog about something and I obviously mentioned goats. Later that evening, she emailed me a conversation she had with her boyfriend Andy:


Andy: "who is sara? Why is this Matt an asshole dream killer?"
Shannon: "you met them. Remember? From WI?"
Andy: "Why is he an asshole dream killer?"
Shannon: "Because of lots of reasons. Mostly because he won't let her have a fainting goat "
Andy: "Well shit. I wouldn't let you have one either. "
Shannon: "You're an asshole dream killer then. "


This right here is why I love Shannon- she clearly gets me. She understands my plight. Then she sent me a fucking FANTASTIC YouTube on goat care for Matt. 



I'm not joking when I tell you I want you to watch this.

Do you see those goats? They live in a neighborhood- these people aren't on a farm. So there's Matt first excuse out the window.

Secondly, "humans are attracted to diminutive animals that make cute noises". EXACTLY.

Thirdly, goats are browsers and not grazers. This means that they will mow the lawn- something Matt hates doing. He doesn't recognize that this would help him out. He would also have a friend to hang out with in the garage.

They also burp a lot, which Matt would also have in common with the goat. They rarely get to be more than 40 pounds and honestly, Stumpy is half way there on his own. And Batman.

Sure, the goats need supervision and a fence would probably be ideal. And they might eat the sandbox and probably every plant in my yard. And probably the old garage. But honestly, we'd be a good family for a goat. They might not be legal but I'm surrounded by pedophiles- none of them call the cops to report goats.

So guess what I did??

*snicker*

I signed Olivia up for 4H. And I maybe wrote on there that she has an interest in goats.

*snicker*

Knowing full well Matt will be the 4H helper since he was in 4H and I don't do outdoors or animals.

*snicker*

And I didn't tell Matt.

*BEST WIFE EVER*

(obviously, we'll see if any of this turns out but you can bet that there is more to come.)

9 comments:

Josie said...

We had a pygmy goat and all we had to do was tie it to a stake in the ground and put it within reach of a Dogloo. We didn't even have to buy it food because it just ate the weeds. Talk about a low maintenance pet!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Funny. I grew up having small pigme (sp?) goats. They were miniatures and some people bought them from us as house pets. Super cute!

Jandy xx said...

the other day a guy came to my work in a truck and he had a huge dog in the passenger seat... when we mentioned how huge the dog was the guy goes "oh, theres a goat in there too"... yup and there was, the driver, the huge dog and sitting in between them, a goat! apparently the goat was naughty and the mans wife had make him take it to work for the day!

true story, that could only happen at my work!

Shirley said...

I think at the very least he should bow down to your genius!

____j said...

Girl, you are too funny! I can't wait to see how this goes.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

hahahaha that's too funny! I can just see his face when he sees it tied to the tree in the yard.

Shooting Stars Mag said...

I'm not sure I'd want a goat...but a lamb might be pretty nice. I always want a baby pig. :) If I could have a teacup pig, I'd be in heaven. they stay small and I want to feed them with a bottle. ;0)

-Lauren

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

DH talks about getting a goat every now and then but once you start in with livestock it becomes very challenging to leave home ever because no one ever wants to take care of the goat for a weekend.

Admin said...

LOL your blog is hilarious, Sara...don't stop being you. ;o)