Monday, October 29, 2012

Pee expert in training.

So, I meant to post about this on Friday but quite honestly- I've had kind of a shit weekend and I needed a break. In the process I lost three blog followers so there you go.

On Friday I took Olivia to see her pediatrician about the pee accidents. It was eventful but unsatisfying, if that makes any sense. Knowing she would have to pee into a cup and that her appointment was at 1:30, I gave the kids lunch at 11, made her drink like 20 ounces of lemonade and then figured surely by 1:30 she would have no problem peeing and we would be in and out.

Obviously I was wrong and it took me two hours to get the girl to pee.

TWO HOURS.

At first she refused to pee in a cup, then she said she didn't have to go. Then the super nice nurse gave me what looks like a fat funnel for her to pee in, which would then funnel pee into the small cup. She didn't like this and it was awkward. Within 15 minutes of me sitting on the bathroom floor of the lab, Jackson sitting on my jacket and playing with my phone, and my wrist shooting pains up into my arm, I decided the funnel wasn't going to work.

So we take a break so I can regain feeling in my wrist.

I then make Olivia drink five glasses of water and two apple juice boxes. Because one way or another, we were not leaving without pee in a cup. I was in it for the long haul, I was prepared to wait it out.

At this point, Jackson is now annoyed that he is missing Octonauts on TV and keeps offering to pee in the cup for his sister. As hilarious and inviting as that was, Olivia had to pee. She just had to. Because you know the second we got into the car? She'd piss her pants.

I just knew it.

Fast forward another 60 minutes of me telling her she had to pee, her doing jumping jacks, me running the sink water, etc and nothing.

NOTHING.

Then I plead with the nurse to help me out. I'm pretty sure I looked crazy but it was like praying to the rain gods. Finally she finds a bucket they give people who have kidney stones for when they pass. Having had kidney stones while pregnant with Jackson I can't believe I forgot about this.

Of course though, the bucket does not fit on the toilet so I'm having to hold it in the toilet, while Olivia sits on my arms because she obviously won't squat over a bucket and make it easy. Oh no.

Please keep in mind that through all of this? She is insisting she does not have to pee. This is a 3 foot, 11 inch girl who weighs 43 pounds- she has just had close to 50 ounces of liquid and she's telling me she doesn't have to pee. I'm calling bullshit.

Then, just as my arms were going to give up, she starts peeing. Peeing furiously. It was like a waterfall. I have pee splashing in my face, pee running down my arm, into my sweater, my wrists feel like they are going to give out between having this kid sit on them and the weight of the bucket, but she finishes. I have never been so happy to hold a bucket of pee in my entire life. It was kind of glorious.

I had to then get said pee into the tiny cup and into the mini door in the wall to the lab. And then wait.

Thankfully, the doctor told us they'd test it and just call me. She wasn't about to make me wait to find out if Olivia had an infection because I was dripping with pee and I had pee in my hair. She knows a frazzled mom when she sees one. About a half hour later I got a call to say that while it wasn't the cleanest sample they had ever had, she was free from infection. They would culture it anyways and since I never heard back this weekend, that all ended up OK as well.

Where does this put us?

Well now we get to see a pediatric urologist. I've already seen a poop expert before, now we can add a pee expert. YAY. The problem is that the guy comes up once a month to Duluth and is fairly booked out. Like, I'd be able to see him in Duluth maybe next summer. Which obviously isn't going to work because I can't keep dealing with this- I'm at my end. So sometime today or at the latest tomorrow, I should hear about the availability of an appointment in this guy's office which is in the Twin Cities. It's not horrible, it's about a 2 1/2 hour drive one way and I'm down there enough where the drive isn't horrible. The problem is that I likely would have to go with her alone and I hate that. I hate feeling like yet again, I'm alone in dealing with all of these problems and I'm tired.

I am so tired.

The best part is that we could potentially spend a LOT of money getting this problem looked at and there could be nothing wrong with her. I won't lie- I will be angry if I spend a lot of money and it turns out that she just wants to have control over something. I feel like I'm in a dangerous spot because I'm losing patience, I'm losing sympathy, and sometimes I wish I could just check out. I feel like if there was something legit wrong with her I'd have a game plan, I would know what to do. But as it is, we're in this limbo.

On the bright side, she had no accidents all weekend and we had no issues. Which is really great, but it's also infuriating because I know it's all preventable, she's just refusing to go when she needs to go.

So here's my conundrum: do I take her to the urologist when we absolutely cannot afford it, we can't even afford what our portion would be with insurance in consideration, or do I not? I want to take her to the therapist but what if I can't afford it? I feel like absolutely nothing is ever good enough and I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like I can't make a right decision for anything and my anxiety is through the roof. And I'm alone in making the decision.

I yelled at Matt yesterday for asking Olivia questions and when really? He isn't home enough to know what the hell is going on, so don't come in here demanding things be done your way and act like you know what you're talking about? For three years I've been alone in dealing with the poop issues and now the pee issues. I'm so exhausted and weary that I'm lashing out at the first person who says anything to me about it. Then I realized I have so many issues of my own that for whatever reason, are picking now as the time to creep up on me and I don't know how to deal with them. I feel like I can't deal with me until I get Olivia squared away because it would be selfish to fix me first. But then, can I really fix Olivia if I'm a hot mess?

It's just too much sometimes.

Happier posts starting tomorrow. Pinky swears.

11 comments:

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I think it's pretty normal for kids to have accidents. Is she doing it every night? Maybe just get some Goodnights and rubber sheets. Might be cheaper and she'll grow out of it eventually. I don't know too many adults that wet the bed.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

When I had my oldest seeing a specialist for his bowel issues I was seeing one 90 mins away, fortunately in network, but then they had to run some test or other & if it was this lesser issue I'd have to go see some other guy another hour away out of network but if it was this more major issue I could see a different guy in the same building I was currently in. Putting me in the terrible position of not wanting to hope it was the more major issue because we couldn't afford this guy another hour away.
What do they think the urologist will find? Did they give you any ideas or specific issues it could be? Or is it just 'well, we didn't find anything so we're pushing you on up the ladder in hopes they might find something?' Given her behavior in the bathroom it sounds more a mental thing. I might try the therapist first unless there was some specific thing the urologist would be looking for.

Veronica M. D. said...

Okay, first of all, YOU ARE A GOOD MOM. It's okay to be frustrated and angry. It really it. It doesn't do much good and doesn't solve any problems, but you already know that. It's just the way you feel sometimes, and that is how normal people feel.

On the pee topic. Yes, it could be something medical. Yes, it could be psychological. Yes, it could resolve on its own or it could last forever. You could go to the pediatric urologist and he/she knows the answer, or you could leave with nothing. And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I've been through that with both girls, now -- going to doctors we can't afford and having them say they have no idea what's going on (we actually just made a long trip for Josie to see a pediatric urologist, too!). IT SUCKS. But whatever decision you make (to go or not to go), will DEFINITELY be right, because it will be one you have labored over and come to with much care and consideration.

And Matt not being there? I know your pain. Jeremy works so damn much, and having to take these kids to specialists far away by yourself is no joke. It's exhausting and horrible.

I'm so sorry. I hope this gets resolved, and if not ... well, that kid owes you BIG TIME when she is grown. ;)

Stephanie Cashman said...

My son has just stopped wetting the bed, he is 10..yes I said 10. I have taken him to specialists of all kinds and they all say, nothing is wrong he will grow out of it.
If there is nothing wrong with her and she isn't sick, she will grow out of it. I can promise you that she will not go to college peeing the bed.
I think the more you push her, the more anxiety she has about it. Just my .02. Good luck

Lin said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry. This must all be beyond stressful for you & to be doing it practically on your own, you're fucking supermom.

My god-son stopped wetting the bed last year, he just turned 13. It actually didnt start until he was about 11 & then started to happen more & more. They checked him out & all was well, therapist said it was an emotional/mental issue. His dad's a pretty big prick & his mom has a lot of her own issues, tends to baby the dad more than the kids...sad. Anyway, it just kind of stopped a few months ago. Dont know how this is relevant to Olivia's case but just thought I'd share it. Personally I think you should go get yourself an appt w/a therapist before going to take her. Granted, she needs it a lil more but I honestly dont believe you can help someone get better if you're not.

So, yeah, go get yourself a therapist or a joint. Either one will help, IMO :)

Shooting Stars Mag said...

I agree with Lin...it's always a good idea to make sure you're okay first if it's not an emergency with your kids, and it doesn't sound like it is. I'm sure she'll grow out of it. It might be mental...maybe she's an anxious kid? I know I was. I didn't wet the bed, but I can see how that could be a side effect. She'll get better, I'm sure, regardless of what you end up doing. Sorry it's been a rough weekend. Here's to a good week!! Hope the bad weather isn't near you!

-Lauren

p.s. I posted (finally) about your Halloween gifts. Thank you SO much again. Did you get mine?! I hope so!!

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

I think you should get her in with that child psych you were talking about. Go with the cheaper option first, and if it doesn't work, you know that you can always go to the urologist.

Gini said...

Oh honey! I had no idea, I haven't been in blog world for a while. HUGS. HUGS HUGS HUGS. You're a GREAT mom, and we are all totally behind you 250%!

If you haven't already explained to Olivia that you can't afford to take her to the urologist, but you will if she really needs it....maybe try that? If it's truly a control issue, you might be able to guilt the info out of her. And I don't think it would be out of the question to see therapists at the same time. There are free counselors available in many cities-- if not for Olivia since she'll need child therapy, then perhaps free would work for you.

HUGS.

Gini said...

ALSO-- I wet the bed last year because I went to bed after drinking a giant cup of tea. I wasn't even pregnant!

Eileen Ward said...

In marriage I have learned that fixing your own issues really does make a lot of other issues resolve themselves. Perhaps your control over situations is making her cling as tightly to her control of her poo/pee as she can. Is there a solution? I don't know but I commend you for dealing with this.
Would a reward system work, or is that completely out of the picture (I think you mentioned something before about that...but I can't remember).
I'm not a parent and know nothing about toilet training so anything I suggest would probably scar her.
As far as what you can afford though--look into stuff sponsored/paid for by the county/state, then look at the private stuff. Ask her school if they have a therapist on staff that she could talk to --- or a counselor that might be able to offer advice. As for the urologist..unless she has the issue that my cousin had, where she actually had a bladder control thing (like the flap or something wouldn't shut and she needed surgery) then it is mind over matter. What did you do differently over the weekend? Was she stressed less about something? did you approach the bathroom differently?

____j said...

I'm so behind on blogging, I just saw this post. I am so sorry you're going through this! My [ex]step brother had to wear pull ups to bed until he was 12. At the time I just thought it was to get attention, but found out later it was because of things that went on when his parents were getting divorced. I can only imagine how frustrated/angry you're getting, and I hope y'all get answers soon!