OK, now before I get into this post I will say that I have spent a lot of time on different websites recently just reading random things because I was bored and couldn't sleep. Some of it is old, some new, some you probably don't even care about but here we go:
1. Lindsey Lohan and her mom. Seriously, the fact that Lindsey hasn't gone the route of Britney Spears is seriously a miracle because she clearly has crack head parents. When you have a dad like Michael Lohan, and you ask him to record your phone call, then you need to just assume he will release that call for money. And then if you have a mom like Dina who will go onto the Dr. Phil show high as a fucking kite, then you need to make sure she doesn't drink wine and do some cocaine. It's probably a terrible combination.
2. Taylor Swift. Is it just me, or do you think she's probably a crazy, boyfriend stalking slut? Because I know she plays this good girl image up and looks all cute and polite and genuinely dumbfounded when she wins awards but I really think she's probably a mentally deranged slutty pants. I know if I were dating a Kennedy I'd be thrilled, but if you have an obsession with all things Kennedy? Best to keep that shiz under wraps because it's kind of awkward. And I'm sorry, but her writing songs abut exboyfriends? I'll admit they are catchy and I'll sing a long, but it gets old. Especially when you keep writing about John Mayer. Seriously, we get it. He's a douchebag- but everyone knows that. Guys like that and you go in knowing you'll be used and discarded. Honestly.
3. My mom told me she believes Paul Ryan looks like Gilligan and now I can't look at him without thinking he's Gilligan.
4. Jerry Sandusky's wife. Can I just say that I think his wife should be in prison? Because as my mom pointed out, I don't care how big your house is- if you have boys screaming for help because they are being raped? You're going to hear something. And to turn a deaf ear to that is just as bad as the rape itself.
5. The Jennifer Livingston fat TV anchor. Over her. Honestly, she is overweight. If you are overweight, you probably shouldn't be talking about healthy lifestyles. I mean, sure- the guy was a dickhead to legit write an email to her about being fat but come on. Time to get over it. And if I hear the "I have thyroid problems" for another overweight person I might scream. Honestly. I have an addiction to ice cream, pizza and french fries. I at least own it.
6. The trains by my house. I'd like to know why the trains that go past my house literally have to blare their train horns for 7 minutes straight every morning between 1 and 2 am. Honestly, if there is a deer on the track, just hit it. If it's a drunk driver napping, just him them- they're probably repeat offenders anyways. No need to drive me to the brink of insanity every single night.
7. If you are terrified to drive? You need to get the fuck off the road. I respect my elders and all that snazz, but if you are 90, barely able to see over the steering wheel, taking out pedestrian crossing signs in the median and doing 15 in a 35? I'm going to say bad words at you and maybe give you an obscene gesture. I don't discriminate on age- I would do this to anyone. And don't give me the finger when the cone you hit causes me to drive on the side where all the road garbage ends up- you're the asshole here, not me.
8. And then if you are a pedestrian, I will totally stop for you. But pick up the pace homie. Now is not the time to joke around, text, or basically be the slowest fuck ever.
9. Matt saw something on the news about a zumba instructor really running a brothel. I told him I have zumba tomorrow and he legit gave me a weird look.
10. Oh- and we are approved for our car loan! Tomorrow we sign the purchase agreement, get the loan check, and then my vehicle gets ordered. What? Oh yes, it's coming from Chicago and guess what else I'll have? A REMOTE STARTER. I didn't even ask Matt about that, he did it on his own. And then said he thought it was maybe BJ worthy. And oh did I laugh. Not quite, pumpkin. Gift exchanging holidays and significant birthdays only babycakes.