Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Operation Goat

I've made no secret my love of goats. I don't know why since I have very little experience with goats and what experience I do have is limited to baby goats at the zoo that thought I was pretty fucking cool.


How can you look at this and not want one? Seriously. If you look at this and tell yourself no, there is something wrong with you.

But I've been trying to convince Matt that getting a goat is an awesome idea. Sure, we probably would be breaking a law since we live in the city, but if people can have chickens, why can't I have a goat?

So cute. Who can really say no to this cutie patootie?

An asshole dream killer, that's who. Matt says no because he believes it would be more work for him. Which, admittedly, it would be. We have an agreement that he is animal cleanup. I don't even clean up my own kids' poop and puke because it makes me puke, so I certainly don't do it for the animals.

Shudder

But honestly- the goat would eat a lot of grass. I watched a Goat 101 video and they aren't like horses who eat grass to the roots- goats just eat the tops.

Perfect


I have two trees in my yard, one that basically looks dead like this. It'd be fucking AMAZING to drive down the alley and be like, "Oh shit, that crazy bitch has a goat in her tree!".

Right?

Of course.

But since Matt says no, I figure the next best thing is to find myself a fake goat and if it lights up and looks obnoxious, bonus. But would you believe this is hard to find? Here's what I found and I really want.
Life Size Goat 39"H - 6 foot scale Outdoor Nativity
It's a whopping $459 but it says it's LIFE SIZE and honestly, that'd be awesome to have on my deck. Right? But, shocker, Matt doesn't seem keen on this.

So my good friend Shirley found me this gem on a "discreet romance" site which is disturbing on so many levels.
BLOW UP BILLY GOAT
Which... I don't think I want. I mean, a party goat is awesome but can you imagine the spam and bizarre lists I would get on? No spank you.

So here it is: if you can find me a light up goat, or something fucking kick ass that I can have instead of a live goat, you let me know. I may have a special prize for you.

But I don't know why Matt says no to this. I just want to hug it.

6 comments:

middle child said...

Just keep going to see the Santa at the mall. Sit on his lap year after year until he brings you the goat you so deserve.

Shannon @ Bungalow960 said...

So my friend Jestina and I decided to start a goat farm. You in?

Also, you need to read this book called In Flight. It's 50 and Gideon melded into one book. I'm currently swooning my way through the second one

Eileen Ward said...

I love goats too!! My mom once tried to marry me off for a fainting goat. She would have too if she'd had anything to do with it.
My friend in WV has like 10 goats, and one of them died from lice. Seriously, LICE. Goats are weird like that. They can be super resilient to some stuff and then drop dead of something else. Also, you can't just get one. You have to have two. They are social and one would get suppppper lonely and wouldn't be nice or thrive on it's own.
the shit you learn when your friend has goats. But yeah, baby goats are the cutest little things. My friend's oldest are basically dogs. They follow you around everywhere trying to eat everything. They are hilarious.

Amber said...

My evil Mother in law has goats. Two of them, and you are right. They are cute as hell. When they were little, they were even cuter.

They smell bad, though. Like REALLY bad.....but they are still pretty awesome.

Their eyes freak me out a little bit though.

Last Thanksgiving I was at my MILs stadning in her kitchen eating pie. (You have to stand to eat there because she is a disgusting animal hoarder and you don't want to sit anywhere.....also, I was eating somethign that came straight out of a box I BROUGHT, that is the only way I eat there...anyhoo). So as I am standing there eating I see out of the corner of my eye that there are two goats standing in the hallway.

I kinda eek out...."Um, there are goats in the hallways...." when she casually answers, "Oh, yeah...they come in throught the dog door all the time, just ignore them".

Yup, welcome to my life.

Shirley said...

If he won't give you a goat I say you bring "captain pecker the party wrecker" home!

FinnyKnits said...

I am so with you on this goat thing. I LOVE goats. Bubba LOATHES goats.

Goats aren't happening in my lifetime unless we actually do move to a farm where I can have the goats really far away from him.

Also the chickens.

The man hates roosters, too.

And he wants a horse. I HATE HORSES.

It's a conundrum. Anyway, I'm going to go look for this light up goat because I know you remember our deal.

Happy hunting.