Tuesdays are typically a stressful day for me no matter what I do. If I'm not running all over town, things will always happen on Tuesday to either stress me out or make me wonder about the sanity of humans as a whole. Let's talk about today.
- If you are driving in a lane and you have to turn in either direction, just turn your fucking car without drifting into the lane next to you. Why do you have to drift? That extra foot of room helps you navigate your car? If you aren't able to operate your car without putting others at risk, you need to not be on the road.
- I'm sorry, but if you have a vehicle that does not have a fully functioning window? You need to not go through a drive through. Having worked in a few fast food restaurants I can just tell you that they think you are an asshole and so does the people waiting behind you.
- If it never, ever OK to put your half eaten Subway sandwich laying on its wrapper on the floor of a restroom, let alone a public restroom. It is never OK. Quite frankly, you need to finish your lunch before you go to the bathroom. Because you've just wiped your ass and now you are picking up your sandwich. Not to mention, I know for a fact that bathroom floor isn't cleaned often and when it is? They use the same mop and water they use to clean out the urinals next door.
- You should always wash your hands after fondling your genitals or wiping your ass. That's just a basic life lesson and if you aren't washing your hands you are a filthy person.
- I don't understand why Batman is now sleeping in the litter box. It's annoying and now he constantly smells like litter and I hate waking up to it in the morning.
- You need to stop texting and driving. I just told someone yesterday that every day I have to dodge other drivers who are just all over the place. I have kids in the car most of the time and these people scare the shit out of me. No message is important enough to put other drivers at risk. You might think you are driving just fine but you aren't and all of us around you can see it.
- Man who sneezed all over the back of my neck and hair in the post office? I like to operate with a three foot bubble all around me for a reason. And the fact that it was just you and me there, there was no reason for you to be practically rubbing against me.
- Thank you, driver of the red Grand Prix for not running me over when I fell into a pothole the size of a god damn bucket in the post office parking lot. I appreciate that you stopped and held your laughter until I couldn't see you any more. My knee feels like shit and I hope I looked like I was doing more of a pimp walk rather than a I possibly broke my ankle walk back to my vehicle.