So on Friday I ran to the mall to pick up a book as part of a gift and I decided I better go pee before we have ourselves and embarrassing situation considering I am almost 31 years old. Our mall has two main bathrooms but everyone knows the one in the food court hardly ever gets washed and is generally the most disgusting place ever. So I use the one by Barnes and Noble, which is proving to be just as bad.
Inside of the bathroom area before you get into the actual bathrooms they have terrible mirrors and random machines to get stuffed animals out of and shit like that. They also have this gem:
Do you see what all of this is? You can get tampons, Advil, lip plumping glass, some kind of weird gel thing and wait for it... glow sticks. This is exactly the kind of shit you would find in someone's purse coming out of a rave or orgy. But you can buy it in our mall in the bathroom. Like, where are you going that you'd be like, "Shit! I need some tampons and glow sticks- lemme hit the mall first!"
Then I got into the stall and yeah. We have a do it yourself repair on the toilet paper holder with some handy electrical tape. We don't even use duct tape around here, electrical tape all of the way.
The best part was the sink. I didn't do a good job but that white sticker on the mirror is a "wash your hands before returning to work" thing. Which, would LOVE to, but I cannot. If only the vending machine sold hand sanitizer as well.
NOW. It's a great book and you could be a winner. I'll still love you even if you're a loser.
Oh, guess who scheduled herself an eye appointment? This chick. Unfortunately, it's not until the end of February because they are that booked out but still. And when I called today and gave her my date of birth, she's like, "oh... this can't be right.." and I'm like oh... it is. Because I have no had my eyes checked since I was 18. She asks me if I wear contacts or glasses and I'm like, "I'm supposed to. I haven't seen my glasses in like two years or something? No.. probably more like 5. I haven't worn them for awhile." She sounded horrified.
My reasoning is that I don't want my eyes dilated. Not only am I incapable of getting a tetanus shot like a real grown up (holding out since age 12 fuckers), I also cannot handle anything near my eye. No contacts, no drops, nothing. CAN'T DO IT. I'm sure once I walk in there, the guy will recognize me as the person who tried to leave her appointment early, then the girl they had to restrain to get the drops into her damn eyes and then the person who ran smack into the damn glass door on the way out, who almost got run over by a car, and then ran into the railing and fell onto the ground afterwards. Oh, and then the girl who couldn't get her car unlocked and had to have an old person help her.
I'm sure it'll all come back to them right away.