Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Dead cats, boogers, and spandex.

So sad news, my mom's really old and formerly obese cat Blue died. Well, he had to be put down. He was like super old (16 in people years, which like almost 90 in cat years) and he's had poop issues.. much like Olivia. And after every medication they can give him, his poop still was a problem and it's just really the humane thing to do. That and he'd get explosive poop and not in his box so my poor mom was cleaning her carpets multiple times a day. So that's sad but what's worse? Is that Jackson is totally devastated. He tells everyone that Blue is his best friend and now he's sad because he won't have a buddy at Grandma's. And he started crying at bedtime saying he wasn't ready for Blue to go to Kitty Heaven and yeah, sad shit.

Seriously, let's all blow our noses because that shit is sad and I don't care who you are.

Speaking of boogers, we all have colds. Olivia looks miserable, Jackson isn't near as bad but still has booger issues and my face still feels like it's going to explode. Like you know I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll be clutching a box of Kleenex all day. That sucks.

I think I finally know why so many really fat people wear Spandex. Because honestly? I wear my Spandex work out pants and I feel skinny as fuck. And clearly I am not.

And now that I've seen this picture, I'm only going to eat half of the candy I'm eating and definitely not ever wear my leggings outside of the house again. Moo fucking moo.

I'm toying with the idea of starting the 30 Day Shred torture again. I only made it 3 days last time before I thought I was going to die and tried to convince Matt that either I was having a heart attack or having some kind of hernia issue. I don't know if girls can get hernias but I felt like I had one everywhere. Plus I think Jillian Michaels is kind of a homely looking person so I don't feel like she can be as judgey as she is towards me. Like, don't tell me to lift my leg higher bitch, I have 36D boobs, a stomach and a kangaroo pouch from having two babies. You get those and then come talk to me. All of this is different from just being a fat kid like she was. That pouch is going nowhere without surgical intervention which Matt says no too.

Cheap ass.

But fat ass or not, I'm going to Old Navy to buy more of these pants this weekend because I love them so.

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I'll take the other half of your candy, k? :-) - Ashes

Ashley said...

I'll take the other half of your candy. :)

Eileen Ward said...

you make me laugh my ass off woman. Oh yeah, you have a really nice ass.

Shirley said...

Jillian is an evil whore! I tried it and almost died. I had to literally roll out of bed for 3 days!

Kodi ODay said...

I always feel so much smaller in my tight ass leggings! I've found that if you pair them with an oversized sweater, you really do look smaller.

I'm also sorry to hear about Blue, but Jackson's comment definitely made me tear up a little:(

Ryan Adair said...

You're so funny!

Tamara said...

Girl, I feel you! I know it's wrong, but I always feel so thin in my spandex. Maybe it's because it feels like it's tucking it all up? I don't know.

But what I do know is - you got yourself a bah-donkey-donk.

You're looking great - totally hit up the 30 Day Shred, even if you only make it to day 4 this time, you're making progress - right?

Also, I couldn't agree with you more on Jillian looking homely. Like, she's got a rocking fucking body but I feel I gots a little something better with my face.

I'm probably going to hell.
Come with?

Sara said...

That is so sad about the cat. :-(

I love the look of the spandex pants, but, I'm not brave enough to wear them...fat ass and all.

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Every since I read about Jill and her wife and their kids I can't quite do the shred without thinking about her being a muff muncher.