So, I have pictures coming of the new bedroom set and a hilarious story about how I almost cracked my head open on the first night because as it turns out, I have terrible depth perception and my bed is very high.
But in the meantime, I have a daughter who as it turns out, is a hoarder and I would prefer for her to be OCD. During the Great Furniture Swap Out of 2013, our bed and my dresser went to Olivia's room and Matt's dresser went to Jackson's room. This obviously means I (and I cannot stress *I* enough here) have to switch over their clothes to the new dressers. But you can't just do that, can you? No, because you move a dresser and find a bunch of shit somehow shoved underneath it and so it compels you to move other stuff and just really clean it out.
It's like the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie except you aren't dealing with milk, cookies, and balloons and shit, you're dealing with garbage bags, rolling totes and swear words.
And in my case, crying children.
Anyone who knows me or has been to my house knows that I am a really neat person. I like things put away, I like things cleaned, and I don't like shit just willy nilly. If you are a hoarder, don't invite me over unless you want me to start cleaning and throwing things out or have a full on anxiety attack.
Because it will happen.
Close friends and family know I'm what would be called a purger. I'm like the opposite of a hoarder. I try to get rid of as much crap as I can. Once a shelf fills up, I am compelled to get rid of stuff to make more room. I like clean and open spaces. It's a shame I don't have a basement because I'd bet my home on having the neatest, most organized and most efficient basement. I don't understand a person's need to keep things for sentimental value. Sure, I might hang onto it for a bit, but then I find it and wonder why the fuck I wanted to keep it and then toss it.
But Olivia... is not this way. Olivia keeps EVERY THING. I'm talking wrappers, miscellaneous papers, full notebooks, broken toys, basically stuff she can't use again and quite frankly, can't find to even remember she has it. The girl is a slob. And I say that with love and then wonder where the fuck I went wrong. So I spent hours cleaning her room on Sunday. It was unbelievable. We hauled out every toy she has in her room, sorted what she doesn't play with and what she does. We sorted Barbies, the accessories, the outfits, etc into bins. I went through her cubby shelf and threw out so much stuff.
Oh my god, the stuff.
I'm talking THREE GARBAGE BAGS FULL of shit. Absolute shit. The best is the Nutty Bar wrapper she kept because she liked the colors.
Is this normal? Because I tell you what, I lost all decorum as a mother cleaning this word. I know I was swearing, but when Polly Pocket's house fell off a shelf and hit me in the head while simultaneous knocking the 50+ cards for Memory onto the ground? A few F-bombs were said. I still have a bump on my head.
For a child who has a mother so anal retentive as I am, you'd think she'd inherit some of my crazy. She has not. I'm pretty sure I'm driving her to the brink of hoarding. I had to sit down and explain to her why it's not OK to save garbage and how if you don't like a toy anymore, it's OK for you to tell me and we can either yard sale it or donate it to a kid who has no toys of their own. It's OK, I'm not going to get mad. We outgrow stuff and it's just totally fine.
But I tell you what, by the time I finished in there I had to tell her that it needs to change. I think they take their $1 per week allowance for granted and now I feel like I have to go on a chart system so that they can see that they are earning it and connect the dots or something.
How else can I handle this? I mean, how do you motivate a child to take pride in keeping their shit neat and tidy so mommy doesn't lose her shit?