So, today Jackson turns five and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little misty eyed this morning. My baby is five. And when I look back on the last few years and what my life has been like even in the last decade, I realize that this little boy changed everything for me. Absolutely everything.
When I found out I was pregnant with Jackson, it was a horrible time in my life. It was the worst possible time to get pregnant. I was sad, confused, felt so unloved, and really hated life. It was unfair and why the hell do bad things happen to good people? It was a low moment and I was devastated. I was also really scared because I had really bad post partum depression with Olivia and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't worried for not just me but everyone around me. I just didn't know.
But then nine months go by and I got more and more excited. I just felt totally different this time and I didn't know why. I was ready. Matt wasn't sure if he was going to stick around for the birth and I didn't care. It was the first time where I really felt like a mama bear protecting my little cub.
I just knew that this was my reward. I knew that whatever the powers that be had given me this perfect little boy who would always love me. Who would think I could do no wrong and he was my reward for not giving up when I so badly wanted to.
So happy birthday sweet little boy. Mama loves you to Neptune and back, even more than cupcakes. I promise to share my jelly beans and to share the blanket when we snuggle. I'll try not to nibble your cheek in front of your friends but you know I just can't help it. I'm so proud of you and what a big boy you've become.