So, for years one of my biggest regrets was not going to school more. When I graduated high school, I really wanted to do a lot of different things. First I wanted to be a Geologist, but then I thought, you don't see that job advertised... probably not a wise move. Then I wanted to be an elementary school teacher but then realized I don't really like other people's kids and their parents are just as bad, if not worse. Then I wanted to be a writer, but everyone told me that was stupid and unreliable. Then I thought maybe I could work for people who write. But I've never seen that advertised either, so I didn't know what to do.
Until someone told me to go to school for the ultimate chick fall back career- administrative assistant.
So that's what I did. I spent two years getting me Associate Degree and did well. I got a job right away and worked there for eight years until I realized that personalities don't always mix and I couldn't do it anymore. Plus there was family health issues and me working full time wasn't an option. But then I got a job working part time where I work now and I love it. I really, really love it.
For the past few years I've really regretted not going further to get my BA in something, anything. At the time, I really thought I would go back to school after working for a few years and end up an executive assistant somewhere. It's something I'd be really good at and could probably do it right now but everyone wants you to have a BA.
The last few months I've really felt like I should be doing more. I should just do it. What if I did it and really liked it? Alternately, what if I went back and not only was I the oldest person there but I actually really sucked? One of the biggest reasons I never went further with my education was that I never thought I had the caliber to do well. Sure, I did well in high school but let's be honest- stoner kids who hardly showed up still got their diploma. I did terrible on the ACT's, I didn't even try with the SAT's. I never took an accelerated class or an advanced class. I did well in college but I just didn't think I could do it.
So I didn't. I really didn't want to be that girl who failed out of a four year college like so many others I knew.
But now I feel like I need to do more. I don't want to be 50 and regret not doing what I wanted. I want to get my 4 year degree. I want to walk across a stage so my kids know how bad ass their mom is. I want to work for a publishing house. I want to edit things, fun things.
So I have been researching my options. Which as it turns out, aren't many. The good news is that my town has a really great liberal arts college, UW-Superior. The other good thing is that I have UM-Duluth and the College of St. Scholastica which no fucking way could I ever afford, but it's there. I have plenty of college options within reasonable driving distance from me. But my largest problem is my availability and financial capabilities.
I cannot take a bunch of daytime classes. I'm restricted to evenings, online, and maybe some day classes, but that would be iffy. I also can't take another student loan, Matt would kill me. So if I can't get grants/scholarships to cover most of it? Not going to happen. But I'm trying not to depress myself.
But here's my dilemma. In order to be a copy editor, everything that I have read says an English degree is best. Which sounds lovely. Until I start reading what classes you take to get that and I'm like, WTF peeps? I understand the majority of my degree is reading but there is very little writing and there is ZERO classes on how to edit something. Like, ZERO.
Which is where I start my rant on colleges. A technical college gives you the tools you actually need to do the job... but most employers want a BA degree. Universities give you broad information and you basically hope people can wing it when they get an actual job. Which is ridiculous.
So I don't know what to do. I need to make an appointment with an admissions counselor first, obviously. And I won't lie, I've called 6 six times and hung up every time a person answered. Because I am petrified. I'm scared I won't be able to go for financial reasons, I'm scared I will suck so bad, and I'm scared I won't be smart enough to get in. It's ridiculous, I know, but I'm being honest. It's so hard. Why is it that as I age I become more fearful? I thought age was supposed to make you more fearless??