Do you remember when I mentioned going back to school? If you don't, that means you are not paying attention and shame on you. Click on that link and catch up with the rest of us.
So I did what you all told me to do- I called. As it turns out, getting my B.A. in English is not going to happen unless I can take 100% on campus classes, which is all during the day, and not possible. So that sucks. It sucks hard. But, there is a "newly minted" distance learning program for Writing as a B.A. program. Fate? Maybe. I need to come up with money to fill out my application, I need to get my transcripts transferred, and I need to fill out the financial aid information. Then hope for the best.
People keep asking me what do I want to do with my degree and why do I have to do anything with it? I have always had a goal to get at least a Bachelor's in something, and that's what I want to do. It doesn't mean I'm going to look for another job, but it would be nice if I could freelance on the side for extra income?
I won't lie though. I'm scared. I am really doubting my ability. Ever since I posted that original post I have had nothing but kick ass, positive, you go girl emails, messages and comments. All of you seem to see something I do not. I've been told I would kick the ass out of any program and I don't think I will. I was never really smart. I think I just looked smart because I didn't talk like an airhead, I wasn't chasing boys, and I was sober. I mean, anyone looks smart under those circumstances. I like school, don't get me wrong. I really enjoy learning and doing school work. I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about my ability. I can blog, but can I write? I feel like what I would need to get through an intensive program like this is beyond my ability. I'm really nervous that I'm going to get there, I'll write a paper and be told it's absolute crap. Because if we're being honest? I have never had to write a college level paper. I have never had to work at a class. I'm just worried I'm going to get spanked and shocked into reality and struggle. I don't know what people are seeing in me or my ability that I'm not. It's flattering to have all of this support but at the same time, I don't understand it. What am I missing?
I feel like I am being really irrational, but legitimately- I'm panicking. I'm excited. I really want to just go full bore and do it. Matt has already said at this point, it's clear I want to try it and he doesn't care the cost and if I have to do loans only, we'll work it out. Which is great. It's as close to support as I will get from him and that's OK. But at this point, it looks like I will be a Fall 2014 start. If all goes right. And I don't chicken out.