Monday, December 9, 2013

YOLO needs to die.

Remember how you heard the phrase "YOLO" the first time and you wondered what it meant? Then you found out it means "you only live once" and you're like- dammit, I do only live once! Let me just chug this keg of beer because I could die in three hours (from alcohol poisoning), but at least I can say I've done it! While others would screaming this while zip lining down a mountain or bungee jumping or something else worthy of an actual story.

But mostly it was drunk college students and girls nervous about giving a blow job in the back of a taxi but you know what- you really only live once so why not make an ass out of yourself?

The great thing is that it has kind of died down. Which is why when I heard my five year old declare to me, "YOLO, mom!" the other morning, not only did I stop dead in my tracks, I wanted to punch the parent who taught it to their five year old who then told everyone in the class and quite possibly, the entire playground.

You're wondering what was it that Jackson was doing that would prompt him to say such a moronic thing, even if he is a boy and he is 5. Well friends, Jackson has said it a few times since then and each time  he's doing something dangerous.

Example 1: We have gotten a ton of snow and so there are snow banks that are really high. Clearly, kids gravitate toward them and want to hurl their bodies off them, with or without a sled. But it's not safe because the majority of these are near roads and you could slide out and die when a car hits you. So I see Jackson on one and I yell, "Jackson Matthew, get your ass down from there right now! You know you can't play up there!" His response was, "Oh, YOLO mom!". Olivia cracked up, but he came down and told me nicely that I worry too much.

He's five. I cannot stress the fact that he is five enough.

Example 2: I caught him trying to poor himself a glass of milk when the jug was completely full. Clearly, he's seconds from dumping an entire gallon of milk onto the floor. I say, "Jackson- let me help you with this. You hold the cup steady and I'll pour the milk." His response? "Oh mom- you should know you YOLO."

You see this? It's like he knows what it means because he's using it in sentences that make sense if you didn't say "YOLO" and instead said the words.

Example 3: Jackson attempted to slide down the banister of the stairs this morning. Not only could he fall and bang his head, but as some one who does not have a ball sac- I can only assume what's waiting for you on the bottom of that ride and it doesn't sound pleasant. So I say, "Jackson- that is not a park ride. You get down from there before you break your boy parts." His response? A very loud, "YOLO!!!!" that I'm sure all of the neighbors heard at 7 am.

How can I fix him of this? Is this is a phase? If he turns out to be a frat boy I'm going to be really disappointed and feel like a fail of a parent. But please lord Jesus- stop teaching your children this shit, world. I'm talking to you- every one of you. Just stop it. It's bad enough I have to field questions about masturbating dogs (more on that later), I shouldn't have to deal with YOLO and crap you'd learn by watching the Jersey Shore. I don't even have cable anymore for god sakes.

4 comments:

Ruth said...

It's a phase. It's new to him and he thinks it's fun. It could be over in a week or it could last a while.
I know it's OT but I am actually sending cards out this year. Between hubby thinking its nice and me hoping to find some spirit, I am going to do it. If you'd like a card, send me your new address.

SpiritPhoenix said...

See I always think of this now. http://www.topatoco.com/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TO&Product_Code=QC-YOLO&Category_Code=QC

It won't help with breaking him of the habit though. :(

And you should check out my blog tomorrow, you gave me a great idea for a Pick-me up Wednesday post. It's the opposite of the YOLO let's be morons and do dangerous idiocy.

ComfyMom~Stacey said...

I've got nothing. I cornered my 10 year old about the half empty jar of Nutella I found in his room and his response was "YOLO mom" My response was "Yes, and you will be spending a few weeks of it without the Wii or the computer."

FinnyKnits said...

Obviously I completely agree. It's as annoying as people saying "LOL" instead of actually laughing out loud and, let's be honest here, typing LOL is still bad.

You have to admit though, YOLO is really YOLOing.