Sunday, January 5, 2014

Responsibility shouldn't be a thing of the past.

You know that feeling when you want to punch people because they aren't responsible yet want sympathy? People who constantly rely on others to essentially bail them out because they make poor choices because ultimately, they don't want to grow up?

It's tough to not punch them but you know that orange isn't your color and you don't have bail money so you reign yourself in.

It's hard. I struggle with this every day.

It's not just people on Facebook either, though as of late it has really gotten bad on there. But people in real life, that I see or deal with every single day, are really making this hard. Look, I get it. It really does suck to grow up. I hate being a grown up. Had I known then what I know now, I would not have been in a hurry to grow up. But the fact is, I turned 16 and shit got real.

Do you know what I did on my 16th birthday? I got a cake and I was driven around town picking up job applications. That's what I did.

When I turned 18, my parents sat me down and said they hoped I went to college. Otherwise I was going to be paying rent. So I not only went to college full time, but I got a full time job. Then a part time one when I realized that oh hey- if I spend money on my credit card, that bill still comes whether I can pay it or not. Every month. Then I got an internship for my third job because again, at 18 and 19 I had poor financial management skills.

I admittedly had a phase for about four years where I spent more money than I had. I robbed Peter to pay Paul and lived pay check to pay check. I moved out and started paying rent, I had my own car, I was still going to school and I shopped till I dropped every payday. Then remembered that I needed to eat. College tip #1: work in a fast food place in college. Chances are you'll get a free meal at least once a day!

But I grew up. By the time I was 22 I was getting married, I was pregnant by the end of that year, and we were going to buy a house. Financially I was still a mess but we were trying to make it better. Fast forward- by the time I was 30, I had two kids, went through bankruptcy, almost got divorced, learned how to budget, bought a house, remodeled a house, went to counseling to realize I was kind of an asshole married to an asshole and had to make real changes to how we treated each other, and worked more hours than I care to admit.

All because I had to. I was a grown up. I learned that every action has a reaction. Bad choices means crappy consequences.

The people in my life and in my Facebook feed live in some kind of dream world. Most of them, work one job (not all of them are even full time), and they complain about money. If you are broke- work more, spend less. I know it sucks and it's not fun. But being a grown up isn't about being fun- it's about realizing that you need to be responsible. Quite frankly, after age 19 your parents should never bail you out. If they bail you out that means you have really fucked up and you need to do better. My parents bailed me out when things got bad and I felt like shit. I don't think I have ever felt so low in my life. I vowed in that moment that never, ever again will I be in that spot. One time, folks. That happened one time. I can't even tell you how many people I know in their late 20's, even into their 30's and 40's rely on their parents even still.

If they aren't bitching about being broke, it's the "I'm lonely" thing.  If you are lonely- do something about it. Go out, reconnect with old friends, make new friends, join in a class, whatever. But most of all- don't be afraid to do something by yourself. It's kind of a big deal to be able to go out to eat at a restaurant on your own. A movie? Not so much, it's dark and nobody is really talking. But a big part of being a grown up means doing things outside of your comfort zone and ultimately knowing you'll be OK.

Ultimately it comes down to a generation of people feeling sorry for themselves. And it's maybe not even a generation- maybe it's more of an epidemic? I have people my age that are just some of the worst offenders of this. If something in your life isn't the way you want it to be? Change it. Only you can change it. Know that none of us really cares. I no longer care when I see someone complain about their lack of love life. First off, if you have children? You need to not be so worried about your love life. Your priority needs to be your kids. When my mom was a single parent, I never saw her go out with anyone. NEVER. The only guy we ever met was the guy she eventually married and he's still our step dad. She did it right. Feel like you are attracting losers? Figure out what it is about you that says, "I'm desperate and will take a loser. Line up here."

It's just amazing to me how society as a whole has just gone to shit. It's hard raising kids when I have this fear they'll end up like this. It's disheartening to see how rude people are, how nobody takes responsibility for their own actions and bad choices, and how people let others get away with it. This continues because we enable people. It's hard to watch a person end up homeless and a mess, but at some point they have to learn their bad choices landed them there. It's become all about not hurting people's feelings. Sometimes? You need your feelings hurt to propel you to do better in life.

1 comment:

SpiritPhoenix said...

Sing it sister! That's one major reason I don't go on Facebook much. And why I do a friend purge every so often.