I've gotten ridiculously lazy over the last year. I had done so well losing a ton of weight and being all physically fit and shit, and then I figured a couple of lazy days wouldn't hurt. But then a couple of days turned into almost 400.
You know how that happens.
So I'm back at it. The only thing that has spurred this on is that my pants are too snug and I refuse to buy a bigger size again because I purposely rid myself of those. So I've decided that enough is enough. I need to get back onto the exercise band wagon no matter how much I absolutely hate it. I hated gym class my entire life and felt absolute joy my senior year of high school because it was no longer required. It was about then I gave the fingers to gym and said see ya.
Then I got chunky.
I'm just going to say it's probably a coincidence.
But here I am. Chunkalump. That's my new nickname- Chunkalump.
To get myself on track, I've signed up for a bunch of 5K's. I've only got fun ones in my calendar so far, but I'll put some for real ones where I have to actually run versus skip through electric lands and colored paint.
I also decided I am going to do the 30 Day Shred. It took about two weeks to find my DVD and I literally just finished day six of it. I'll be honest- I hate it. I hate the program, I hate Jillian Michaels, I hate Anita who clearly doesn't care Jillian basically makes her sound like an invalid for not doing full movements, and I hate Natalie who gets all of this praise for really getting down deep when, if you watch closely, she's absolutely phoning it in when Jillian and the cameras aren't totally focused on her.
Yeah- I see you sucking it up you lazy ass. I see you.
Here are the most annoying issues I'm currently dealing with:
- Stamina, obviously. Holy fucking shit- how out of shape am I?? God. I'm not kidding you, I'm sure if you were in the basement listening to me jumping around, it probably sounds like the house is collapsing. Matt and Twinky hunker down there and I'm sure it's scary.
- Dear Kegels: You don't work. Here's something they don't mention in the "What to Expect: The First Years" books post baby bursting from vagina- pee will come out whether you do Kegels all day every day or not. It does not matter. I do Kegels like you wouldn't believe. Sure, Matt assures me things are a tight ship down there, but still- pee bursts forth once I start jumping jacks. I can do three jumping jacks before I have to pause, run to pee, come back.
- And during this- it feels like I am going to have a pee emergency, but then it's like two drops. What the fuck is that???
- Why is it that I can do regular squats, but you give me a side lunge and I'm practically falling over?
- My boobs hurt. I clearly need a new sports bra. I have a really nice Nike one, and nothing will move in it, but to get it off you essentially have to dislocate your shoulder and hope for the best. So I need to get myself one that zips in the front or something. Probably something more like a harness.
So we'll see. The fact I've done six consecutive days so far is kind of huge. This is already more than I ever had done before. I think my record was twice. In a month. So, clearly- if you look at it in percentages, I'm already kicking ass and taking names.