Monday, January 20, 2014

Thunder, bitches.

Dudes. I can't even tell you how incredibly sore I am. I forget how athletically incapable I am until I start trying to do any kind of physical activity. I'm just not good at any of it. Never have, never will be.

The terrible part about that is that unless I do something, I get super fat. I've never reached my fat potential, but inner fat girl really wants me to. She's really angry that I'm doing anything at all other than lifting the ice cream spoon to my mouth. Which, mini rant, but when I see skinny girls bitching about a work out? I really want to punch them. Because it's like, your stomach and boobs are practically non existent- you aren't fighting against the laws of gravity to not look pregnant when your uterus is clearly vacant. When both boobs are going in the opposite direction of your ass and your stomach is going on its own from side to side? Come talk to me about wanting to die.

If you don't follow me on Instagram then you are missing my daily progress as I work through Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Which is just really horrible and it's like willingly letting yourself be bullied.  I feel like Anita should be paid more because Jillian obviously hates her and her phoning it in because she doesn't go as low as Natalie.

But if you've never done this workout, that entire last paragraph means nothing to you.

So I am on day 10, and I decided that today, despite having the beginnings of a migraine and being on the verge of falling asleep while standing, was the best time to start level two. And full disclosure- since starting this, everyone has warned me about level two. Level two was going to be brutal, and I was scared.

As it turns out, I had every right to be scared.

First of all, I can't do a regular push up. I have to do the pussy girl push up's, and that? That doesn't fly in level two. Second, planks? Are you fucking kidding me? Then you add plank twists? Oh hell fucking now. Clearly, this work out is not meant for people with 36D boobs, kangaroo pouches, and Kardashian asses. None of that is conducive to the level two work out. I finished the workout, which seemed to go by a LOT faster than level one, but I admittedly phoned it in. Not because I'm being a fat ass, but because I've never done ANY of these exercises before and it took me a few seconds to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing.So by the time I felt like I got it, she was moving onto the next one.

I can see now why everyone basically quits this workout by the time they get to level two. I really hope that tomorrow it goes a bit better? We'll see what the next ten days brings.

The most important part though is that I really do feel like I have hit some weird break through. I don't enjoy working out, but at this point, I feel a certain level of commitment. I have gotten a lot of really encouraging comments, emails and messages that me sticking to this even when I think maybe being a fat girl isn't so bad is motivational for them. Anyone who knows me knows that I am like, the least motivational person there can be when it comes to fitness and healthy living. I still refer to french fries and ketchup as two vegetable servings, folks.

So I'm going to keep going. Even though after tonight's work out I did vomit. I haven't thrown up after a workout since that one time I was chased by a big dog and ran for my life only to fall and have the dog lick me. And that wasn't even done on purpose. I really hope it gets easier over time because today was brutal. I can't even sugar coat it.

If you don't hear from me ever again, assume day 11 killed me.

3 comments:

Mom Taxi Julie said...

You can't give up now you are 1/3 of the way done!

Kattrina said...

Yay! You are awesome! I have that DVD but have never done it because I'm afraid that the people who live below me will think we have a zoo up here with all the shaking and thumping that would be required to finish that workout. I did go for a run today though, so that is good for something.

Tamara said...

I have a few other Jillian DVDs that Natalie is in and yeah, she's Jillian's favorite for sure. Even when she's doing the 'easy moves'.

Level two is a whore. But you totally got this.