I can't even remember how much I have told you about the whole me-going-back-to-school thing. I think where I last left off I was thinking about it, I applied, I was accepted and yay- not much more. But here is a recap of all that has happened since then and what is to come in the next month or so:
1. I need to take an entrance exam basically. That is happening on March 30 (yes, a Sunday) at 8 am (yes, in the morning). I am scared shit less. I have taken a few practice tests and have bombed the math one pretty hard. Every time. Like, not even close. Math is hands down, my worst subject ever. What this means it that if I fail it on exam day, I will likely have to take stupid person math, then regular math, which means taking more credits than I want. Suck.
2. After that test, I have an hour long phone conference with my distance learning adviser. She will basically go over my test, look at what was able to transfer and we figure out the game plan. Which might be tricky considering I not only have to take all of my generals again (barf) but I also am essentially doing a "make your own" degree, which I want to be pretty equivalent to an English degree with a Writing focus. So, I have my work cut out for me.
3. I applied for Financial Aid because I am not rich. Sadly, we're too "wealthy" so I don't qualify for any grants whatsoever. I also didn't qualify for any freshmen scholarships either. Matt says I can pretend to be bi-sexual because there are a lot of LGBT scholarships out there but I don't think I could really fake it for that long. I can qualify for loans, and all un-subsidized which means I'll have to pay my interest and it starts accumulating while I'm still in school. Which is really, really shitty.
4. In order to receive those loans though, I need to be full time because I am distance learning. Which, SUCKS. When I had the idea to go back to school it was with the idea of maybe half time status. Full time? Oh god. I could take less credits, but my loan amount when then reduce and it wouldn't pay all of my tuition and none of my books. Even with full time status, it's just barely paying my tuition and none of my books. So, yeah. That sucks.
It makes the idea of going back to school that much harder. Worst case scenario? I try it, hate it, and make it out at the end and chuck deuces at college for good and just pay back the $5,000 for one semester. Which is almost half of what my full two years at the technical college cost. Matt looked like he was going to vomit when I showed him all of this on paper. I can tell he really wants to tell me to not do this and we cannot afford it, and in my head I know we can't. Let's be honest- the likelihood of me getting a job using this degree is slim to none. Not around here and even then, it's tough. Secondly, Matt doesn't want to move so it's not like I can even use that as an excuse to move, we're stuck here. Thirdly, at what point does common sense outweigh what I want? There are lots of things I want to do in life and I don't because it's not practical and it would be irresponsible for me to do it. Is this one of them? Am I going to regret this in say, mid October when I'm up to my ass in homework and the kids have activities, I have PTO responsibility, and I have work going on?
It's hard to say. Plus, if I go and it doesn't work out past the first semester, I know I will feel absolutely guilty having raked $5,000 in student loans and for it to be worthless basically.
So, that's the plight of being a grown up. It's not nearly as awesome as I thought it would be when I was 16.