I don't know quite how to describe the feeling of being a college student the second time around. The first time around I wasn't even really excited about it, not even a little bit. I didn't really go to school for something I wanted to do, I went so that I could find a good job and hopefully make a career from it and be a responsible adult. It certainly takes on a different meaning now knowing I am going back for something I want to do, and then hope that maybe I can use that degree somehow.
In the last few weeks I have heard a lot of different perspectives on what I should do, and I've weighed each and every one of them. It's difficult, even as a full fledged adult, to know if what you are doing is really the right thing to be doing. Certainly, this is going to be a financial burden when I finish. I'm obviously going to be strapped for time and my family will feel the brunt of that. I worry about my capabilities as a "non traditional" student with a full life, and I wonder if I'm going to lose my mind by the end of my first semester.
The great part about life is I don't know the answer to any of it.
The even better part is I don't care anymore.
I look back on a lot of the decisions I have made over the course of my adulthood and every single one of them was made being influenced heavily from people who thought they knew what I should do. I didn't want to make a wrong decision and I didn't want to disappoint. As it turns out, I did both regardless and even I wasn't happy to boot. So I've decided to throw caution to the wind and just to hell with it all.
As of 1:16 p.m. this afternoon, I am currently enrolled in 15 credits at the University of Wisconsin. I'm scared shitless, I'm nervous, but more importantly, I'm excited. I decided that even if I don't use my degree, I don't care. I want to say I've earned a Bachelor's degree as it was always my intended goal. I'm young enough that in theory, I could pay back my student loans and I will even get to use my degree. Somehow, I will figure it out. I might turn out to be totally terrible and just barely making it, or I might discover I'm actually a lot better at it than I think I will be.
Who knows, but I'm excited either way.
I am also that over achiever, do it all, make everyone happy person. I can't help it, that's just what I am. I put my needs dead last, and just do everything until exhaustion takes over. Don't get me wrong, I'll probably still do that because I can't help it, but I have a better plan on how to do this.
I decided against summer classes so I could plan PTO stuff for next year and get way more organized than ever before. I am going to meal plan and do some freezer meals for those nights I just can't cook, and by god- my Christmas cards are going to be made in July! Thankfully, Matt is excited for me. At first he wasn't and I could tell he didn't want me to do this. Now he is excited but doesn't want to admit it because I'd look like I was right yet again (as usual). But he and I have worked out a work schedule, and came up with a game plan for extra curricular activities. I don't say it nearly enough, but he's kind of great.
So this is IT, lambs. The leader is a college student yet again and it's terrifying and exciting all at once.