Sunday, May 4, 2014

Can we talk about Tori and Dean?

Seriously? I don't even like Tori Spelling because I can't look at her long enough because her face is kind of weird. That and she is incredibly annoying. She seems like emotionally, she is highly unstable. Never mind her husband, Dean McDermott seems like the biggest douchebag ever. Surely she had to know this going in, and I recognized that sometimes the warm fuzzies and butterflies make us think things are better than they are. I get that, been there, done that.

But Tori? Get a grip.

When the whole scandal first hit that Dean had cheated on her, immediately I felt terrible for that. Having been in a similar situation, I get it. Then when more and more details are coming out and it's clear he's got serious issues, I felt even worse. People were rallying around her and telling her to dump his ass- he has far too many problems to deal with. But he went to treatment and they went to counseling. Which I am a fan of. When Matt went off the deep end, everyone rallied around me and told me to dump Matt as well and I didn't. I didn't because I had kids, I was confused, and when I really broke down what the issues were, it really was a mental health thing. I said sickness and health, good times and bad. I meant it. It was then that I realized that is really awful and hard and had I known it was going to be like that- I would have thought twice.

But- you get married. You say these things and you don't really know what they mean until you are put to the test.

So when Tori said she was sticking with it, I was proud of her. I thought she would be a great example of what it means to work at a marriage. To really stick to your vows and that means sometimes you go through tough, sad, and scary things.

BUT THEN.

Then the show started documenting all of this and Dean started talking and I'm like, no. Hell to the fucking no. Because Dean is a jerk. He says mean things to her. I don't think he loves her because I don't think he's at all capable of doing that because he's too self involved. Then I saw this article, and I shake my fist at Tori. I get how Tori wants to protect Dean, I do. When Matt went over the edge I was obviously angry, but to hear people tear him down verbally and I wouldn't stand for it. He had made poor choices but he wasn't a bad person. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. I knew that deep down, Matt was still there- it was just clouded by depression and other things. So when I see this article about Dean, I think no- not the same case. Because at least Matt was open to hearing what his actions did to me. Did he understand my feelings? No, not at all. He had never experienced it so he couldn't possibly understand. But Dean? He doesn't even want to hear. He has made it clear that hearing Tori's feelings would maybe send him over the edge and has threatened suicide as if he'd be some kind of martyr.

You know what that is?

It's emotional abuse.

It's time for her to check out.

I think he is selfish, and he's unstable. Anyone who would threatened suicide in order to manipulate a situation? Isn't capable of being a good life partner. Nobody needs that in their life. It's sad she doesn't understand that it isn't her expressing her feelings isn't what will send him spiraling, it's his own actions that can only do that. Let's turn it around- if she had killed herself because of this, what would he have done? Played the sad, regretful husband and probably turned around and been the man whore he is. It also makes me think Tori is just really OK with letting Dean not hear her feelings- because then she has to own them. Easily, the worst part of couple's counseling is to hear what you are doing wrong in the marriage. We all play a part and I know in my case, it was really difficult to hear what I do poorly as a wife and really have to own that. But if you can't do that, hear the ugly and work on it, then you don't deserve to be married.

The worst part is that they have four children involved and those children don't deserve any of this. They don't deserve to have their parents playing this all out on TV for money, they don't deserve a father who can't keep it in his pants, and they certainly don't deserve a mother who doesn't even respect herself enough as a woman or the leader of their family to do better. Put your god damn big girl panties on and deal with it.

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