So tomorrow I have what is supposed to be a 7 week prenatal appointment. I went last week and they had determined that I was only 6 weeks and 2 days, so they couldn't see the baby's heartbeat. She assured me that's normal and that 99% of the time, they can't see anything until 7 weeks and hear it at 10 weeks. They gave me a due date of January 18, 2015.
Which, a baby born in a blizzard doesn't sound ideal AT ALL. Nor does trucking it in the middle of the night when it's -50 outside. Alas, baby 3 doesn't give a damn and will probably come at the worst possible weather moment this winter. I'm just sure of it.
But I go tomorrow and they will do another ultrasound to make sure they see a heartbeat and then we go from there as far as appointments and all of that.
Can I be totally honest? I'm very nervous.
But let me back up. With my previous pregnancies, I never had any real discomfort. Sure, Olivia gave me heartburn that I thought was going to set my chest on fire. Sure, Jackson got lazy and was all, "I'm just going to lay here and not move because I'm tired." and he made me worry. (Which to this day, Jackson is by far, one of the laziest children I know. His lack of movement should have clued me in on how hard it would be to get him to do anything requiring physical activity.) Other than that? My pregnancies were easy, super stress-free, and I felt good the entire time.
This time? Not the case AT ALL.
I have had incredibly vivid dreams of dramatic miscarriages pretty much every night for a week or so. They have gotten so bad that I wake up absolutely terrified to go to the bathroom for fear I'll see blood or worse, some kind of disfigured kidney bean blob of baby. It's absolutely irrational but I cannot help it and I am not kidding you- if they don't see a heartbeat tomorrow I don't know what kind of shape I'll be in.
Secondly, the morning sickness? Holy fucking HANNAH. I keep telling Matt this baby hates me. This baby must know I am still unsure about this whole thing and is punishing me the best way that it can- by making me vomit favorite foods. I can never eat a grilled cheese sandwich again and that makes me angry. I asked about morning sickness medicine and she said that basically, they now limit who gets it because so long as I'm not losing weight, I'll make it through this. Basically telling me in a really nice way they are sick of moms-to-be being absolute pussies about pregnancy. I get it, I say it to people all of the time. So at this point, I'm going to toughen it out because I refuse to be a pussy pregnant lady.
Thirdly, my bladder has essentially chucked deuces at me and given up on life. Thankfully, I haven't hit the "I have to pee all of the time" stage, but every time I throw up, my bladder just refuses to help a girl out. It doesn't matter if I make myself pee before I throw up, how I sit, what I do- that bladder is going to squeeze everything it has out as I'm throwing up just to throw salt on the wound. The doctor said there's nothing I can do, maybe do some Kegels. So, that's useless. Stupid ass bladder.
So, think happy thoughts and hope that I:
- see a baby heartbeat tomorrow
- don't vomit on medical personnel
- and if I do, I don't pee my pants at the same time.
*Matt says if I throw up and/or pee on myself, he's never coming with me to another appointment again.*