Thursday, August 7, 2014

9/2

I always forget how much the month of August sucks until I'm in the month of August and it's like oh yes, I don't like you, Mr. August. No sir, I do not.

August is nothing but long to-do lists and rushing. I feel a lot of pressure in August to get everything done because September? Well September is the start of all things. School for the kids starts on September 2. I am excited for Olivia to be in third grade and I don't feel ready at all for Jackson to be in first grade. Of course I worry over nothing but I can't help it. Sports and activities generally start up in September and it's stressful. It's a lot of things all at once starting and it is so hard to balance it all. I sometimes think if August wasn't so awful and busy I'd feel far more prepared. There is no relaxing time before school and that makes it hard.

Also? I start college again on September 2. I have my financial aid and classes ready to go. I may decide last minute that nope, not doing it. I haven't purchased my books, it's all very fly by the seat of my pants and that is clearly the worst way to start college again, right? But with recent things that have happened, there is a real possibility that in a few years I'll be back in the work force full time and I'd be naive to think a Bachelor's degree wouldn't be beneficial. Most employers don't even care what your degree even is in, so long as you have it. Which is absolutely insane. The nice part about having my Associates is that I have already repaid all of that. That degree is free and clear and unfortunately, a lot of my dream jobs aren't going to accept that. Now, had I known that Associates degrees are basically useless in larger corporations and dream job areas? I wouldn't have gone that route in the first place. It's certainly not ideal for every area, that's for sure. I mean, Matt has his Associates as a Network Specialist and do you think he could get a job within 300 miles with it? Nope. They all require a Bachelor's. *sigh*

So as of right now? I'm still in. And pretty terrified, I won't lie.

Not only that, but I recently accepted another part time job (in addition to my part time job that I've been at for almost five years, which doesn't seem like it's been that long). That training starts on August 18 and goes until September 2. Big stuff all at once. So for about three weeks, I'll be working almost 50-60 hour weeks, just like Matt does every week easily. PLUS, I still have the cooking, cleaning, kids to deal with. I feel like if I can do that for three weeks the start of school/sports/activities/craziness won't feel as bad.

Or it'll be worse because I'll be exhausted.

We'll see.

I guess this week has taught me that everyone really is out for themselves. I have to stop thinking that being a good person and a hard worker is going to really get me to the next level in anything. It doesn't. It just doesn't and that's sad because what do I teach my kids? Matt and I are having some real hard discussions about things that will change soon but the underlying current is that we've got to start living a fun life. We have fun now, but we haven't put a priority on fun and that's what we need to do.

But August. Man, we have to get through August.

1 comment:

Ruth said...

I really don't know how you do all the stuff you do.
It does really suck that hard work and being a good person doesn't really get you anywhere anymore.