You know what's weird? In theory, I am considered full term in just four weeks. Hypothetically, Penelope could be here in mid-April. Which is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. For the most part, I'm pretty ready at this point. The only thing I'm focusing on is working on some projects that I've wanted to do for awhile and I'm taking this time to do them so I feel like I got a lot done before she comes.
The only dilemma I'm in now is work. I submitted for my unpaid leave to start on March 30. Turns out, you can't just do that unless you have a medical reason. So right now, I'm waiting on my doctor to give me a letter saying she recommends rest. My level of exhaustion is to the point where I'm having a really difficult time staying awake to function. Not to mention, that by the time I finish my shift, I have contractions, my back is excruciating, and my pelvic area hurts so bad I can't stand to sit but it's all I want to do. Honestly, I know for certain I won't make it through April like this. So here's hoping I can be at home and rest.
As far as depression, I'm better. I'm not great but I only cried once randomly this week! That's a big improvement. I talked to my doctor and she wants me to wait a little longer before starting on a prescription. Which I'm OK with. I really don't want to take any medicine for depression because it all makes me feel awful and completely numb. I don't want to feel like that as Penelope grows. I don't want to miss any of those things because I'm at the other end of the spectrum.
I go back to the doctor next week, but by the time I'm week 36 I'll be going every week until she's here. Which is kind of exciting. I'm in that stage where I'm anxious and just want her here but also want to be pregnant for awhile longer. I'm feeling ready to be done but torn because she might very well be it for me. Matt and I haven't fully decided, we're kind of taking a wait-and-see position. Maybe she'll get here and we'll for sure feel absolutely done. Maybe she'll get here and we'll think well... maybe one more is what we need. I feel like we'd have to decide quickly, I want to be done with pregnancies and babies before I'm 35. I just turned 33, so time is ticking for sure.
So it's a good time. The kids are very excited. They can't wait to meet Penelope. Jackson has taken to saying good night to her when he gives me hugs and kisses. I've caught Olivia checking out Penelope's toys and clothes. Of course, she totally says she wasn't, but I think she's kind of excited too. She's been very sweet lately. The only thing that worries me is she did say this weekend that this means she won't be my favorite girl anymore. I said true, but she's still my first baby, so that makes her special in her own way. I know I have a big job ahead of me to make sure each kiddo feels loved and special.