I'll be honest, on Friday I was kind of scared crap-less to start maternity leave. Although I have gone over the numbers easily 108 times, and I'm sure my math isn't that bad where I'm forgetting something super huge, and I'm pretty positive we can afford me to not work until the fall, I was freaking out. I won't admit to having a panic attack in my van after work and breathing into a Target bag containing jelly beans and max absorbency pads, but it wasn't pretty.
Then Saturday and Sunday came and I was all, "I'm going to do all of the things!" and was kind of excited at the prospect of being overly productive. I even got a little giddy at the idea of naps. And watching shows about serial killers on Netflix without wondering if this was psychologically damaging to my children.
But then I woke up this morning and was like- no. I'm bored. I'm not even out of bed and already, I'm bored.
So I did what any other person would do on the first day of a leave and that is take their children to school in their pajamas. Without a bra. And you know what? I wasn't even wearing socks. I wore my worn out moccasins, without socks, with sweatpants, with a shirt that did not cover my belly, without a bra. Didn't brush my hair OR put on makeup. At first the kids thought I was joking with them. But when it was clear I was actually going out of the house like this, Olivia said I could just drop them off at the door. Jackson said he loved me no matter what, but that maybe I should brush my hair today.
So I did all of that. I was gone not even a full half hour and that was my biggest to-do of the day- be a responsible member of society and get my children to school on time. Check.
Then I sat in my rocking chair, only to realize I was kind of hungry. So I had some cereal and a poptart. And pretty much a half gallon of orange juice.
I really love orange juice.
But again, getting dressed seemed kind of tough so I watched history documentaries on Netflix. By 10:45 I was like- I need to get dressed. I can't be that person who just lets herself go because she's a stay at home mom. I can't. So I got dressed. I managed to then get disgusted by the state of the upstairs bathroom, so I cleaned that.
Where I learned the shower head? It really DOES come down. (Fun fact: when we moved in two years ago now, the shower up there was terrible. We took the doors off and use a curtain now and we replaced the shower head. I was really pissed off that I was so dumb to not pick one out that detached.) Well I learned this because while I was vigorously scrubbing away, I must have bumped the cord or whatever that brings water from the faucet to the shower head and the damn thing fell off and hit me in the head. Normally, a lot of swears would come spewing out but this time! This time it was more of a, "YES!!! You are a super awesome shower head! Where have you BEEN for two years? I shall rinse with glee!".
(Yes, I was totally talking to myself. This is what it has come to around here.)
I texted Matt with this revelation and got no reply. He doesn't care about my joy or my discovery.
Then I was like, I'm on a roll here- let me pack my hospital bag! I have Penelope's all ready to go but mine is not. Well, I managed to pull an actual bag out of the closet but beyond that, I've done nothing. But then I started trying to decide what should go into the bag and everything felt like a major decision. Do I commit to bringing granny panties? I mean, I know I'm not going to want to wear anything else but ugh... pink or blue? Do I bring white socks or black? Ankle socks or no? Should I bring my slippers? Christ- what will I wear home? I don't think I'll want to wear real pants. So maybe my maxi skirt? But what if it gets nice out and I want to wear that? Then what if that's what I want to wear home from the hospital and I can't because I wore it and I didn't do the laundry? Do I pack a bra? I mean, I'll probably wear one there, right?
It just felt like I was making big commitments and it's just too much.
So right now the only thing I'm for sure bringing is my travel toothbrush/toothpaste set, deodorant, shampoo and conditioner. I have nothing to wear, but at least I'll be clean. That's something I guess.
Day one was a bust. I hope the rest of my leave isn't this lame and boring. Not that I'm wanting non-stop action because I'm supposed to be resting. I'm just not used to resting. It's really freaking boring. I have a need to be doing something, always.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to make dessert or something. I'll even try to not eat it while I'm alone at home so I can show my family I actually did something with my day.