Is it weird we start the countdown all over? It kind of feels weird. But Penelope is one week and one day old as of right now. I wanted to get this post out yesterday, which would have been her due date, but I actually didn't leave the couch and I haven't mastered typing with an infant yet.
So let's take a look at what Penelope's first week of life has been like.
As for me, I'm alright. I'm not great, but I'm also not at my worst. I don't know if I have post-partum depression or if it's just baby blues but I definitely have moments where I feel overwhelmed with life and cry in the bathroom. But then I also told a friend that this is the first time where I ever considered seriously not going back to work. Like I can't get enough of her and I just want to soak up every single second with her. Which is a really strange feeling, to be honest. I was never that mom who wanted to be a stay at home mom and I would dread being home with them for long stretches by myself. But this time... I don't know. It just feels different. Maybe it's my brain mentally preparing me to be totally done with babies and telling me I better enjoy it now? Who knows. But it's definitely something I think about.
Physically I feel like a mess. My back is killing me. I cannot emphasize that enough. The back pain I'm experiencing is really horrible. I don't know if it's from my epidural, if it's from two shit nights of sleep in the hospital on what is the equivalent to a kindergarten nap mat, if I pulled something while delivering her, or all of the above. But it is absolutely horrible. My vagina is now super itchy right where my stitches are. That's super annoying. I also remembered why five days of stool softeners is a dumb idea. My whole intestine system is not back to normal so I kept taking them thinking I should maybe get back on a pooping schedule. Well. Let's just say, there was a critical situation in the middle of an 8 am feeding yesterday and I learned quickly how to go to the bathroom while feeding a baby. Which sounds disgusting but trust me when I tell you it was an emergency. Nonetheless, I feel like I lost maybe five pounds right there. And I am not taking any more stool softeners because that was not a fun situation. Had I been out and about in the world, it could have been just like that scene in Bridesmaids where Mya Rudolph's character craps herself in the middle of the street. Imagine if that happened in Target. Mortifying.
Week two will be hard. Matt goes back to work on Monday. I expect to be a hot mess of tears, boredom, and loneliness. Maybe it won't be so bad. But it's been really great to hand her off to Matt so I can have a good cry in the bathroom. So we'll see. I expect to get more weepy as the weekend progresses knowing I'm on my own on Monday. This is maybe the only time in my life where I'm such a lame ass and dependent on someone. I really need Matt for my mental health sometimes, but I also recognize the bills need to be paid and having one week with no overtime is going to be AWFUL on his next paycheck. So here's hoping we don't starve.