Do you remember how I was mentioning that Matt and I had to sit down and come up with a monthly budget? Well, we did that. And it sucks hard because you can't really continue with your denial when you are looking at all of the numbers point blank. It's depressing and honestly, I feel a little overwhelmed by it all.
We also had to look at our budget and decide if I can go back to work. You're like, obviously! GO BACK TO WORK, Sara! And I want to. I really, do. The problem is child care.
The reason I took the job at the school my kids go to was so I would have all summer off and any day they don't have school, I don't work. It's easily the most ideal job ever if you have children. But I would have to put Penelope into daycare for about 17 hours a week figuring in drive time because I would only be working 15 hours a week. Of the places that actually had an opening for an infant, I'm looking at a minimum of $172.50 a week. I don't even make that in a week. That's a full time rate because I couldn't find anyone with a part time rate and an opening. The total cost of day care is almost $700. Again, I don't even make that in a month.
So, I could get a full time job so I could pay that and have some left over. Except what do I do when there is no school? I can't afford three kids in day care for those days.
After lots of math and different scenarios, it was kind of obvious that while losing my little bit of income sucks, it makes more sense for me to quit. Yes, I'd be getting out of the house and that's nice, but it's not worth going into the hole every month.
And that sucks. Because I'll be honest, staying at home is nice because I get to bond with Penelope unlike what I was able to do with my older two, but I feel myself getting dumb. Every day I feel a little dumber. I'm not being mentally challenged every day. My days consist of laundry, cooking, cleaning the house, and watching a baby. That's it. That's literally all I do. My house is clean, we have home cooked meals every night, but I am bored. I now live for Hot Bench and Dr. Phil in the afternoon. I find myself talking to my mailman for fun, through the mail slot. Yesterday he just put my mail on the step and kind of ran back to his truck. I feel like maybe our friendship is over now.
Matt said I should see if, in the meantime, we qualify for any kind of assistance. We of course, don't. For a family of 5, the government thinks we're rich. Which makes me want to give them my bills and tell them to figure out to pay all of them, save some, and have a slush fund. I love how everyone wants your income before taxes. If Matt actually brought that amount home, we'd be just fine. We'd be fixing things in our house that need repair, our roof wouldn't leak, Matt's truck would have the muffler it needs, the kids would have gotten new clothes versus yard sale clothes for school, and I wouldn't be worried about having to say no to sports when they come up over the year. But no, that's no reality. Reality is a LOT comes out of his check for taxes, then we pay our insurance, and then some goes to his retirement, which is a joke because at this rate he won't ever get to retire, and then we've got this measly pot I'm supposed to move mountains with.
I'm worried about kid activities. I'm worried about Christmas. I'm worried about winter utility bills. I'm worried about the hospital bill for me from having Penelope I still haven't gotten yet.
So the hope is that once school gets started, maybe I can get an evening job a couple nights a week. Weekends are out because he works 12 hours on Saturday so that means Sunday is the only day where we are all together for more than an hour. Especially once school starts up, it's the only day where we aren't running one kid to one thing, fighting over homework, etc and I get to hang out with my kids and hear about what's happening at school and with friends. Sunday is a very important day for our family and I'm not willing to sacrifice that for the sake of being able to buy myself a pair of pants that fit.
I feel like, if we can just hang on until after the holidays, things will ease up. A few things will be paid off by then and maybe that'll help. Every little bit helps, right?