Let us all just marvel at the fact that unlike my other three pregnancies, I am nowhere near ready for this baby. Not joking.
I don't have a name picked out yet. I don't have clothes sorted at all. I have stuff on my to-do list and vague train of thought that I should maybe do it but yeah... it hasn't happened. I do keep having dreams that leave me feeling like at the bare minimum I should get a hospital bag packed. I have no plans for my other kids when I do go into labor, I kind of feel like I'll just wing it?
Let's be honest- I've been winging this entire pregnancy so may as well finish with that theme, right?
I am very slowly coming around to being excited about Fetus Four's arrival. I think having SO many friends and family go into labor recently has helped that along. I don't feel a whole lot of movement, which is so reminiscent of my pregnancy with Jackson that I have this fear this is really a boy and not a girl. I was going to ask if I could just get another quick ultrasound to make absolutely SURE because I am not that person who wants to be surprised. I do not do well if I can't be 100% prepared before.
Well, that ultrasound didn't happen at my appointment this week because my doctor is on vacation so I had to see a midwife within the same practice. Normally, I really don't care who I see, I am not picky about my health care provider at all. I'm pretty reasonable and flexible. This midwife though?
It was easily the weirdest appointment I have ever been to in all of my life.
First, she sounds exactly like a munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. Exactly. It threw me off for a second but I came to when she immediately came in and hugged my stomach. Now, I'm not that person who gets weird when someone wants to touch my belly, it really doesn't bother me. I get it, people hope to feel a kick, or the hardness of it is alluring, whatever. But I have never had my stomach hugged, much less by a medical professional.
Then she started talking to my stomach, not even addressing me. Telling my stomach how beautiful it was, how it was doing such a great job growing and thriving, and how excited the world is to meet it, etc. It was so strange. I honestly didn't know if I should join the conversation, just sit there and nod my head, whatever, so I settled for awkward silence. Then she tells my stomach she's going to talk to mama now and asked if it was OK.
I honestly don't know if she thought a response would come but I'm telling you, this baby doesn't move much and it doesn't make sounds at all, so you know, she was maybe disappointed.
But we go through my appointment and she is looking at my file and is like, "Oh- I see your doctor mentions you've had some depression, and I don't believe in that, so we're going to do a little exercise.", which threw me for such a loop so I find myself standing in the middle of this room as this lady is trying to teach me breathing exercises to connect with my inner warrior and my baby, and this weird hip circle thing to move with the baby in unison, and then these repeat-after-me things to "build my confidence". It was at that point I had to let her know I actually have three other kids so it's really not a confidence issue but more of an actual depression issue. She apparently didn't think I was very appreciative of her efforts because after measuring my stomach and listening to the heartbeat, I was out the door.
I don't think I have ever hustled down that hallway that fast ever. Thankfully, my next appointment is with my doctor so it'll be fine. But you can bet I'm going to say something to her because this was just weird.
So yeah. Fetus four is still nameless. I have a pretty good idea what we're leaning towards but it's like I want to know for sure that this is in fact, a girl. I don't know what I'm going to do if they won't just check one more time. I just need a penis or vagina confirmation. If it's a boy, I'm going to probably freak out, just saying. I mean, YAY for boy, but holy hell- I have not one thing for a boy. Nothing. Nothing at all.
Oh- and my next thing. Obviously, I don't need a shower for this baby since Penelope was literally just a baby and I have pretty much what I need. But I'm debating on doing a "Sara's Last Hurrah" lunch or something, where I just get friends together at a restaurant just to do something fun? Everyone buys their own lunch and I get to get out of the house without kids and see my friends I've neglected this last year and will likely neglect for the next year. I'm debating on that or a "Meet Fetus Four" BBQ at my house where we cook and all of that, people can come and see the baby and then I get to see my friends and they get to see this thing I grew and birthed. Or should I get CRAZY and do both?! You know I'm crazy, I'll do it, too.
I'm just not sure what would be better? Is it tacky to ask people to go to lunch with me but buy your own meal, because I really just need to get out of the house and socialize? I don't know. I feel like every baby deserves some kind of a party, you know? But maybe the meet baby thing after is just easier and people would like that better? My brain is so foggy I can't even think most days so I'm not sure.