This past weekend I took part in a Zumbathon fundraiser my friends Cassandra and Connie organized to help with the costs of life post amniotic fluid embolism and birth of baby Lucy. I actually have an update to give you on what life is like now, but maybe later this week I'll get to that.
(Hint: my sense of time is kind of non-existent. I feel like I float through the days mostly.)
I was kind of worried about going because I'm fat and totally out of shape. I'm also not feeling up to much of anything anymore, which I'm not sure if that's because I'm bone tired every day all day or if it's the depression. Maybe both. I also knew that most of everyone I invited wasn't going to come outside of a few, and I try to not take it personally. But let's just say thank god Cassandra and Connie know so many people because it was 98% of their friends that came and I was blown away.
But I would be remiss if I didn't say HEY to my friends who did come. It was great seeing them, it was great to know others in the crowd, and it meant a lot.
Overall, we made just under $600 at the event, which paid our van payment this month and our next two weeks of groceries. I hate how tight things are right now. I hate that I am not bouncing back and able to just do it all on my own, which is what I'm used to. I hate that I feel like I'm a burden to Matt and his job. They really need him, god knows he has more than enough work he could be doing there, and I feel like they probably wish I could just pull it together, too. I'm trying. I'm trying every day. Like I said to people on Sunday, physically I look good, but I'm faking it. I'm faking it every day.