After last week, I went into the weekend feeling pretty damn defeated. I did some fun things, to hopefully make life a little more fun and not focus on my failures and struggles so much. But let's talk about the medical stuff first.
Another concern that I have, which my OB doesn't seem to be concerned about is my scar. Because I was in a really critical situation during my c-section, I have a vertical incision. Normally it's a horizontal one, but what can you do? My problem is that for most of my life, I have had what I have always referred to as my "kangaroo pouch". It's a weird lump of fat under my belly button and no amount of dieting or exercise makes it shrink. Well, half of my scar goes over and under the flap so when you lift the flap, it basically looks like another butt hole. In my stomach.
This week I saw my neurologist on Monday. That was a really depressing, and frustrating, appointment. I learned that not only did I have lung failure, amniotic fluid embolism, and the right side of my heart fail, but I also had a STROKE. Apparently having a stroke after a trauma involving blood loss and lack of oxygen isn't uncommon. But I was surprised that this was the first I had heard of it. So I left there with a feeling of defeat because though I'm only 34 and my brain is young and relatively healthy, they can't tell me how much I'm going to get back. Certainly memories that are gone, those are gone. But my short term loss? Nobody knows. We're hopefully that my brain testing in January will be more helpful.
I'm scheduled for an EEG today to see if my "brain blinks" are actually seizures. The hope is that they ARE because if they aren't then they don't know what's causing them.
I saw my general practitioner on Tuesday for a full physical. The doctor is GREAT and is so thorough, listens to everything, took a copy of my symptoms list and really tried to go through each one to find solutions. My blood pressure medication and my anti-depressant are changed so we're hoping that helps a few things. Interestingly, when I mentioned the stroke she said I didn't have one. I said, oh yes I did, I saw it on the MRI myself. So she spent 20 minutes going through every report and image in my patient file and sure enough, it's there. Bad news? Is that the MRI was taken on August 4 and the only doctor who would have known about it is the neurologist- the information wasn't readily available in my file so anyone treating me from that day until this week, wouldn't have known it.
Cue frustration and fear.
So now I have to advocate harder for myself to make sure EVERY detail of what I've gone through since August 1, as much of a pain as it is, is in my patient file on the summary page. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but if I get into a car accident or see a doctor who isn't familiar to my situation, they need to know right away. They wouldn't know, or maybe have time, to go into the detail pages to look for something.
So that's been my week so far. I'm feeling really down on life in general. More on that another day. But I need a nap and I'm sure you have things to do. More soon, lambs.