Thursday, April 9, 2020

Losing my sanity.

I know, I absolutely know that I am not special. Just because I am losing my sanity being in quarantine doesn't mean I'm special.

Everyone is slowly losing their minds and I get it.

What is different here is that since my AFE, I have a whole slew of mental health issues. On my absolute best days I struggle with volatility. I might be happy as a clam and out of nowhere I'm so angry I could break every dish we own. I might start a craft project with the best intentions and suddenly I'm throwing it all away and sending everyone to their room because I can't handle the sounds of their voices and I'll likely burst into tears because I know it isn't normal but I can't stop it.

Believe it or not, that's me medicated. That's the best version of what life is like for me.

Is it normal? NOPE. Is it OK for the kids to deal with that? NOPE. Do I feel like the worst mother in the world? YEP. Am I angry that this is how I am now? ABSOLUTELY. Do I feel terrible because I used to be a really great mom and now I just suck and make everyone cry? NO DOUBT.
The last couple of weeks started out alright. I had a list of things to do everyday and my therapist told me I can do anything for short spans. If I look at things as small chunks of time, I can do anything. Look at the start and end date and I'll be OK. The problem with there being no end date here is that I am just left feeling like I'm in a bottomless pit of awful. It reminds me of the spans of time that I was suicidal.

Don't get me wrong, there has never been a time that I didn't think about being dead in general or being dead as a solution to life. That remains consistent; however, with medication and coping techniques I've been able to shift my thinking on really awful days.

Unfortunately, those aren't long term solutions. I'm 100% sure that if I lived in a warmer climate I would be better because at least I could go for a walk or a bike ride and not worry about getting so cold that I can't function. It isn't a matter of bundle up and I'll be fine, I no longer manage body temperature too well so I swing wildly from so cold I might die to so hot I'm going to pass out. It's one and then swing wildly to the other. You might be able to ride your bike with a light jacket and maybe gloves but I need full winter gear and then will sweat profusely, only to feel like hypothermia is setting in when I take the jacket off.

Going outside isn't a real option for me.

Instead I've been trying to keep busy around the house. Unpacking, cleaning, going to the old house to work on stuff. It's great until I get going and everything starts to hurt. I get so tired, like I've run a marathon, and all I've done is swept the kitchen floor. It's aggravating and I get angry because I just want to be normal and do normal things. I stopped the medication that kind of helped with that because my hair is coming out in massive clumps. Handfuls. That picture above? you can see the receding hairline on the sides (like right under my pins). My hair has always been outrageous thick and full and now? I can put a bun in my hair. Absolutely unheard of a year ago. Without the medication though everything on me hurts. I'm also so tired that ten hours of sleep isn't doing it. I'm barely making it to nap time every day.

I won't even tell you about the outrageous crying sessions I'm doing. Last week I collapsed onto the living room and just cried. For HOURS. Meanwhile the kids are seemingly used to it and just go around me. Matt has to work and frankly, he doesn't need to deal with me. I am hoping I can do a telehealth appointment for therapy in two weeks otherwise I might go right off the deep end. I'm barely hanging onto the edge anymore.

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Book Review: French Kiss

I guess the best part of quarantine is that I am getting a lot of reading done and I'm not hating it. Have you been reading anything good? You'll have to let me know in the comments!
French Kiss - Stacy Travis

It didn't take a medical degree to know that Josh Weitz was insanely hot, from his swoony grey-green eyes to his dark hair that begs my fingers to run through it.

But he was my best friend, and I was too busy crushing on his roommate--otherwise known as the ‘Wrong Guy’--to notice.

Sure, Josh has always been there for me, and he makes me laugh like no one else can. But it's only when ‘Wrong Guy’ stands me up in Paris and Josh shows up for me, once again, that I start to appreciate all the things I've been missing.

Like the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, and how he always holds the door for me and the unexpected kiss we share under the Eiffel Tower. He makes me feel that spark I have always longed for.

But trust doesn't come easy for me, and being with him is a risk.

Will I lose my best friend . . . or my heart? 

The story begins with Hannah, and Josh, entering their residency, and developing a dependable friendship. It's clear that Josh likes Hannah more than a friend, but in the book Hannah states several times that she isn't attracted to him and can't see him as anything more. I was taken aback by that because the description says he's "insanely hot" and while he grew into his looks, it bothered me that what Josh looked like was such a focus. I wonder if people would still love it if we had a man liking a woman now that she lost some weight? That's always something that bothers me.

Of course Hannah falls for Maddox, Josh's roommate. They make plans to meet over seas for a rendezvous but of course, super hot Maddox is a no show and lets her down big. Josh comes to the rescue and they decide to wander Paris together. Of course, sparks fly and things go a little differently than they thought it would. There is a little twist at the end and that was probably the best part of the book for me.

Overall, I thought this was a sweet book. I thought a few spots got a little sluggish and too much detail was put into it that could have been taken out and this would have been a home run for me. I have to give this one 3 stars, it was OK and I liked it, it just isn't one that I would re-read. It's absolutely an exciting debut novel for this author and it definitely will keep her on my radar.
A big thank you to Stacy Travis and Social Butterfly PR for having me on this tour and sending me a copy for review. All thoughts are my own and this post contains affiliate links. Happy reading!

Jackson turned 12. The nerve.

The worst part about a coronavirus quarantine is having a birthday in the middle of it. I got totally screwed and all of my dinner dates with friends has been postponed and that stinks. Jackson and Penelope both have April birthdays and both wanted a party. At least a get together with friends.

Needless to say I kind of killed the fun when I let them know the quarantine is more important.

Jackson turned 12 on Saturday and I did my best to give him a fun little day. Sure, Matt and I were at the old house working for the morning and into the afternoon, but after that we had fun little evening.
I ordered Jackson a My Little Pony cake because we were joking around and that was that. You can't see it but it does say "sorry about the quarantine" on the bottom. 
Birthday kid picks dinner and his choice was hamburgers (grilled) and Kraft macaroni and cheese (tall/skinny box), which is becoming a rare item in stores. Everyone sang to him, of course. 
Penelope and Lucy were all about cake and ice cream. 
Olivia was there, she was really only there for the burger. 
He got the new shoes he really wanted, these earbuds he asked for, and a puzzle with young adult book covers on it. 
I also got him a new black hat and this shirt (only funny if you watch The Office) and also a pair of Prison Mike socks (again, only funny if you watch The Office). My parents got him a TV for his room because the one he had broke in the move somehow so he was super happy about that. Hopefully we'll get to celebrate with Matt's parent's soon but we are all hunkered down and hoping we don't get sick. 
And of course, my annual birthday picture with my boy. It's crazy to think he's 12 already. I think it would feel stranger if Penelope and Lucy weren't here because he'd be my last. I don't know. He is a really great kid and while he's moody and grouchy some days, he's really great and helpful more days than not and he's an absolute treat to call my own.

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Book Review: Southern Storms

You know I love anything Brittainy Cherry gives us and this one... you guys.... SO GOOD.
Southern Storms - Brittainy Cherry

All I wanted to do was run away, I never expected to crash into his arms...

After leaving the city life behind to escape my loveless marriage, I moved to small town Havenbarrow for a fresh start.

What I didn’t expect was to find myself drawn to the town’s black sheep.

They called him troubled. Cold. A man with a dark past.

What everyone seemed to miss about Jax was the splashes of light in his eyes. The random acts of kindness he performed when no one was watching. The way he made me smile and laugh.

Jax helped unpack the baggage I’d been carrying around with me. He was patient with my pain and gentle with my scars. He was the stillness during my hurricane.

Yet when both of our pasts came back to haunt our present days, we realized quickly that sometimes love stories didn’t end the way we’d hoped.

Sometimes you were left with only the damage from the storm.

You guys. I cannot even fully express to you HOW MUCH I love this book. So much. I can't stand Nicholas Sparks and I don't like Hallmark movies (come at me, bro) but this? This is like those times a million. The last couple of Brittainy Cherry books have been alright but they've been missing that little extra something for me and this book brought it in spades!

We have Kennedy and Jax, childhood summer camp sweethearts and best friends, reunited as adults in what is appropriately called kismet. Just a fluke of life experiences land them together again after both facing equally awful traumas, both of them equally broken and worn out by the world and thank goodness.

We have a couple of sexy scenes but you know what? We didn't even need them. (But the library one was FIRE and I feel disappointed I've never had a library date, to be honest.)

You're hearing me right, this is a romance book that was so good that we didn't even need sexy times. I loved Kennedy and all her quirks, but maybe because I identified and can personally relate to some of her PTSD and panic attacks. I loved Jax so much and he's the hero we all want. He's got a little bit of work to be done that only real love can fix and dammit.... swoon. Also? I loved his "partner" Connor. Connor turns 18 in the book but his parts in here made me laugh out loud and I am forever disappointed to not see more landscaping businesses called "Two Men and a Hoe". Just throwing that out there.

Overall? I have to give this five GUSHING stars. I would give it more if Goodreads let me. I hope like hell the physical copy of this comes out soon so I can hold it in my hands but ALSO, I hope book two of her Compass series comes out (this is book one) and I'm here for it.

Thank you Brittainy Cherry and Social Butterfly PR for having me on this tour, I am so incredibly grateful. This post contains affiliate links. 

Monday, April 6, 2020

Book Review: The Silent Patient

I can't even remember how I heard of this book but once I started reading it I think I was mixed up on which book I thought it was but nonetheless, it was pretty darn good. I also have to give a shout out to my friend Suzy, she encouraged me to get my ass in gear in reading this. (I told you I'd finish it!)
The Silent Patient - Alex Michaelides

Alicia Berenson’s life is seemingly perfect. A famous painter married to an in-demand fashion photographer, she lives in a grand house with big windows overlooking a park in one of London’s most desirable areas. One evening her husband Gabriel returns home late from a fashion shoot, and Alicia shoots him five times in the face, and then never speaks another word.

Alicia’s refusal to talk, or give any kind of explanation, turns a domestic tragedy into something far grander, a mystery that captures the public imagination and casts Alicia into notoriety. The price of her art skyrockets, and she, the silent patient, is hidden away from the tabloids and spotlight at the Grove, a secure forensic unit in North London.

Theo Faber is a criminal psychotherapist who has waited a long time for the opportunity to work with Alicia. His determination to get her to talk and unravel the mystery of why she shot her husband takes him down a twisting path into his own motivations—a search for the truth that threatens to consume him... 

I'll be honest with you, when I first started this I really struggled. It started a little too slow for me. It is almost fully narrated by Theo, the psychotherapist who seemingly becomes obsessed with Alicia. Alicia is in a psychiatric hospital for the rest of her life for the murder of her husband Grabriel. Gabriel's murder was so grizzly that even Alicia is basically muted from the trauma of it. She's convicted since she is silent and unable/unwilling to contribute to her defense and that's that.

Until Theo sees a position opening at The Grove, the facility that Alicia has been living in. At the beginning of the book it becomes fairly clear he's obsessed with her and her case though it isn't clear why, and he leaves his stable, predictable job to (hopefully) be a part of Alicia's care team even though The Grove is in danger of closing.

I thought Theo came off kind of like a nut because he was so hyper focused on Alicia and though he seemed like a fairly decent and confident psychotherapist, it always felt like there was a stalker element to him. While he was there he runs into an old work acquaintance and neither of them like each other, colorful residents, a Director who almost seems like he's being pushed out of The Grove (for good reason??), and of course, Alicia.

Once Alicia begins her sessions with Theo it seems fairly hopeless. When Theo gets a clear sign from Alicia she's not having it, he isn't deterred. He continues on, desperate to get Alicia to talk but also have her tell him what happened the night her husband was murdered. Theo turns into a detective even, visiting remaining family of Alicia's but also the gallery that kept her paintings. Everyone in Alicia's life is suspect and all of them seem a bit off, and all of them portray Alicia as being paranoid and maybe even a little unhinged but Theo doesn't fully believe that.

The best part of the book is the last third because everything starts rolling downhill and even the last 50 pages are maybe the best part of the book. All of the strings start weaving together into the tapestry of a bizarre and sad story.

I really liked how the author pulled this together, his writing style is easy to follow and keeps you hooked chapter to chapter, made even easier by the short chapters. I really liked Alicia's revenge almost, this is a woman who, despite every obstacle in front of her, her quick thinking and brilliance made it all come full circle.

My main complaint was Theo's odd, seemingly pointless personal story line with his wife Kathy felt bumpy and unfinished. I had a hard time deciding what was the past and what was the present (or maybe it didn't matter), but also, it never really had an ending. Theo had an ending (kind of) but I wanted to know what was the end of the Theo & Kathy story. You string me along all through the book, the least you can do is giving me a finish there. I also wanted just a little bit more from Alicia's ending. I mean, we get one... kind of. But I just wanted a little more. To be fair, I have a hard time saying goodbye to books in general so don't let that hang you up on this one.

Definitely a worth while read if you like a good suspense or you need something that would be a quick read. Once the story picked up I was able to get through it quickly. I would definitely read something from this author again. I would give this one a 4 1/2 star, rounded up to 5.


Sunday, April 5, 2020

Book Review: The Hunting Party

What a weekend you guys. The best part of the weekend though was getting through a few books so stay tuned for some good reviews!
The Hunting Party - Lucy Foley

All of them are friends. One of them is a killer.

During the languid days of the Christmas break, a group of thirtysomething friends from Oxford meet to welcome in the New Year together, a tradition they began as students ten years ago. For this vacation, they’ve chosen an idyllic and isolated estate in the Scottish Highlands—the perfect place to get away and unwind by themselves.

They arrive on December 30th, just before a historic blizzard seals the lodge off from the outside world.

Two days later, on New Year’s Day, one of them is dead.

The trip began innocently enough: admiring the stunning if foreboding scenery, champagne in front of a crackling fire, and reminiscences about the past. But after a decade, the weight of secret resentments has grown too heavy for the group’s tenuous nostalgia to bear. Amid the boisterous revelry of New Year’s Eve, the cord holding them together snaps.

Now one of them is dead . . . and another of them did it.

Keep your friends close, the old adage goes. But just how close is too close?

Are you in the market for a whodunnit? Are you in the mood for a book with a ton of characters that you don't like but we've got a dead body here and someone did it, but who?

I have to tell you right off that there are almost two many characters and none of them are likable and they all have a motive. Easily the biggest challenge for me was the amount of characters there were but also the flip flopping between past and present. I struggle with that and that's fully on me, so don't let that sway you from this book!

My other complaint? I absolutely saw the ending coming and that was a bit of a let down for me. The saving grace easily was the story to the end though because the weaving in and out between characters and time that makes it worth it. I don't think the ending is the key part of this book, its the story around it and that's what will keep you turning. Also? Not only are we trying to figure out who committed the murder, but we also don't know who the person is that died.

The best part is that the remote location makes it a little more creepy and reminded me of a few other books from Dean Koontz and Mary Higgins Clark that I've read. Somehow, winter is the best time of year to read a whodunnit and having dead bodies just hanging around.

Overall? I'd give this one a solid 3 stars.

Thank you to William Morrow and TLC Book Tours for having me on this tour! I received a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. This post contains affiliate links. 

Friday, April 3, 2020

Book Review: Beachside Beginnings

Another week of quarantine is done and this week I can say I've gotten a decent amount of reading done so I'm going to consider it a win.
Beachside Beginnings - Sheila Roberts

Moira Wellman has always loved makeovers—helping women find their most beautiful selves. Funny how it’s taken her five years with her abusive boyfriend, Lang, to realize she needs a life makeover. When Moira finally gets the courage to leave Lang, the beachside town of Moonlight Harbor is the perfect place to start over.

Soon Moira is right at home, working at Waves Salon, making new friends and helping her clients find new confidence. When she meets a handsome police officer, she’s more than willing to give him a free haircut. Maybe even her heart. But is she really ready for romance after Lang? And what if her new friend is in hot pursuit of that same cop? This is worse than a bad perm.

With all the heart and humor readers have come to expect from a Sheila Roberts novel, Beachside Beginnings is the story of one woman finding the courage to live her best life. And where better to live it than at the beach?

I always jump at the chance for any kind of book by Sheila Roberts because she always come through with a solid read, light and easy, a perfect book for a global pandemic. Sure, we can't go to the beach right now but we can pretend by reading this one.

One of the requirements I have for a fun read is quirky characters and this book didn't disappoint. Literally every one of these people would be featured on a Kasey Musgraves album or even an episode of Schitt's Creek and I'm totally here for it. Moira working in a small town salon is the perfect setting, even more perfect than the small town of Moonlight Harbor and I loved it. This book is funny and charming, I loved every second of it. Between her move there, making new friends, empowering each other and themselves, and the men in the story being fully ready for them.

I absolutely love Sheila Roberts' books because I get sucked in immediately and I'm always a little sad when they end but always ready for the next one of hers. If you're looking for a lighthearted read with some humor throughout it and you want to escape into a totally different little town you can't help but enjoy, you absolutely need to pick up Beachside Beginnings.

Thank you to MIRA Books and Pump Up Your Book for having me on this tour! I received a copy in exchange for an honest review; all thoughts are my own. This post contains affiliate links.
“Don’t look now, Harry, but I think we found the end of the world,” Moira said as she drove through the monolithic stone gateway that guarded the entrance to the town of Moonlight Harbor.
Harry, hunkered miserably in his cat carrier, let out a pitiful mewl. There had been a lot of twists and turns in the road the last part of their journey and even though the highway had eventually straightened back out he still hadn’t forgiven her. She didn’t blame him. She felt awful over having added to his misery. The poor little guy had yakked up and she’d had to pull over to clean the mess and reassure him.
But who was going to reassure her? This wasn’t her scene. She was a city girl, always had been. She’d grown up in apartments and she liked being able to go to clubs and dance, to go downtown or run out to the mall and spend some of her tip money on clothes. Lang criticized a lot of what she spent her money on (not that she had much to spend once she kicked in for her share of the rent and bought groceries), but he never complained when she came home with something from Victoria’s Secret.
There was sure no Victoria’s Secret here.
And so what if there wasn’t? She didn’t have anybody to look hot for any more. She sure didn’t want the somebody she’d had.
Lang had texted her six times before she’d finally shut off her phone. At first the texts had been contrite – Baby, you know I’m sorry, followed by, Why aren’t you answering? Then he got a little more anxious. Where are you? Then he got pissed. Damn, M, where the hell are you? The last two texts had been so full of cursing and F bombs and threats of what he was going to do if she didn’t quit ignoring him that she finally took Michael’s advice and traded in her phone for a new one in a T-Mobile store in Olympia, going with the cheapest phone and plan she could find.
There was no turning back now. Even if they made up, even if he said he was sorry he’d been mean to Harry, there would come another time when his temper would flare. Maybe she could have risked getting her jaw broken but she wasn’t about to risk any more of poor Harry’s ribs.
A bruised rib the vet she’d found in town had said. He’d given Harry something right there and provided her with pain killer meds for him.
If only there was something she could take to make herself feel better. She sure could have used some chocolate right then. What a mess her life was.
“It’s not how you start,” her high school English teacher, Mrs. Dickens, had once told her, “It’s how you finish. Remember that, Moira.”
Yes, she needed to remember that. She was going to finish well.
Here at the end of the world.
Okay, it wasn’t so bad. “Look at those cute little shops,” she said to Harry. Hard for Harry to do any looking from his cat carrier, so she went on to describe them. “They’re all different colors. Green, not dark green like Christmas but green, like an Easter egg, and orange like sherbet, and yellow like a sunny day. Oh, wow, and a go-cart track. I always wanted to drive one of those things. And there’s an ice cream place. It’s so cute. Pink, like a balloon at a baby shower. No, actually, darker than that. Like a sunset maybe. It’s got a big, old cement ice cream cone in front of it.”
Ice cream, sherbet. She parked in front of the Good Times Ice Cream Parlor. She still had a little cash left and she was hungry. Not simply for food but for hope. If a woman couldn’t find hope in a cute place like this where could she find it?
The lunch hour had passed and there weren’t many customers inside– only two old women seated at a tiny, wrought iron table painted white, enjoying milkshakes. The woman behind the counter looked almost old enough to be Moira’s mother.
The old ladies were staring at her like she had three boobs. Okay, so she had a nose ring and a tattoo of a butterfly flitting up her neck. Hadn’t they seen anyone with a nose ring or tat? Maybe it was her hair that had them gawking. (Although the strange lollipop red of the one woman’s hair was just as stare worthy, and not in a good way.)
Moira’s hair, on the other hand, was a work of art. A color that Michael had created, it was a gorgeous mix of pastels, silver and gold that he’d dubbed holographic opal because of the way it shimmered. Lang had thought it was hot.
What Lang thought didn’t matter anymore.
The woman behind the counter smiled at Moira and said, “Welcome. What would you like?”
A new life. “What’s your specialty?” She could have asked, “What’s good?” but anybody could say that. She liked the word specialty. It made her think of fancy French restaurants and TV celebrity chefs.
“How about some Deer Poop?”
Moira blinked. “Deer Poop?”
“In honor of all the deer we have around here – chocolate ice cream loaded with chocolate covered raisins.”
“Deer?” Just wandering around? The only deer she’d ever seen had been on TV or in pictures.
“Oh, yes. They’re everywhere.”
Wow. Now, that was cool. “Sure,” Moira said.
“Sugar or waffle cone?”
“Waffle.” Live it up, she thought.
“One scoop or two.”
“One,” Moira said, deciding to limit the living it up. Who knew if things would work out here? Who knew how long that paycheck Michael was sending would last? With what she had in her bank account even one scoop was a splurge.
“You’re new to town.” the woman observed.
“I am.” Moira glanced over her shoulder to find the two older women still checking her out. The freak show had arrived.
“I just got here,” she said. “I’m hoping to find a job. Your town looks adorable.” For the end of the world. Where were the people her age? Were there any?
Moira dug out a bill, but the woman waved it away. “On the house.”
“Really?” Wow. The woman handed over the cone and Moira took a bite. “This is …” Anyone could say good. “Tasty.”
The woman smiled. “All our ice cream is. What do you do?”
“I’m a hair stylist. My old boss sent me down here to meet a Pearl Edwards.” Moira was suddenly aware of the two older women whispering behind her. She could almost feel their stares.
“Pearl, she’s the best. She owns Waves,” said the woman. “Everybody in town goes there. Well, everybody my age and older.”
Old ladies and tight perms. This wasn’t the end of the world. This was hair stylist hell.
You’re here now. May as well check it out.
Now one of the women behind her spoke. “I have an appointment there. You can follow me if you like.”
Moira could have found her own way there, but she thanked the woman and agreed to follow her. People at the end of the world were nice to you, even if they did stare.
“I’ll see you later, Alma,” the good Samaritan said to her friend, and pushed away from the table. Standing up she wasn’t much taller than she’d been sitting down. Moira was five feet five but she stood a good six inches above this woman. There wasn’t much to her, either. She looked like she needed to go on a diet of daily milkshakes. Her sweatshirt was pink and it clashed with her hair and lipstick. I Got Moonstruck at Moonlight Harbor, it informed Moira.
“I’m Edie Patterson,” said the old woman. “Everyone calls me Edie and you can, too. I own the Driftwood Inn.”
The Driftwood Inn. Moira had a sudden vision of a cute little place with driftwood at its entrance. “That sounds charming.”
“Oh, it is. It was one of the first motels here in Moonlight Harbor. My great niece Jenna manages it and she’s fixed it all up and brought it back to its former glory. It’s one of the sweetest places in the whole town. Isn’t it, Nora?”
“It sure is,” agreed the woman behind the counter.
“If you need a place to stay while you’re getting settled I’m sure we can give you a room,” Edie said as she led Moira out of the ice cream parlor.
No way could Moira afford to stay at a motel indefinitely. No way could she afford to stay anywhere. She murmured her thanks and tried not to panic.
“Jenna doesn’t like me to drive,” Edie confided. “She’s always worried I’ll get in an accident. But she was busy giving someone a massage – she’s a massage therapist, you know – so I just went ahead and took my car out when she wasn’t looking,” said Edie conspiratorially, pointing to an ancient car that maybe got fifteen miles to the gallon on a good day. “That’s my car. You follow me.”
It wasn’t hard to follow Edie Patterson. A kid on a tricycle could go faster. They crept out onto the street and inched on down the main road.
It gave Moira time to finish her ice cream and check out the place. The buildings looked like they belonged in a movie from the sixties. And what was that? Some kind of store shaped like a giant shark. It looked like you entered through its gaping mouth, complete with long shark teeth. Now, there was something you didn’t see every day.
And wow! Deer. There were two of them, grazing on the grass in the median. There was something you didn’t see in Seattle.
Seattle. Lang. How many times had he tried to call her by now? He had to be really pissed.
Let him be. He didn’t deserve her. And Harry sure didn’t deserve the way Lang had treated him. She was glad she’d left. Glad.
Except she was sad, too. And she ached a little for what she’d had with Lang when they were first together and everything was good. And she half wished she could have that back.
She was a mess.