Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What do the 4 food groups and the food pyramid have in common?

They are all contain things I won't eat.

It's here yall- the post that details everything I will and will not eat. I am a picky eater and have been since birth. Some of these may shock you. You may wonder how I have survived this long. You may try to stage an intervention. You may want to hold a tasting party for me. But don't worry lambs, I'm alive. I may have horrible cholesterol and a BMI over the charts but I wouldn't know. Because I? Am 27 and don't care. Ask me in 10 years when I'm approaching 40 and freaking out. (Sidenote: That last sentence?? Panic attack inducing. At least I'm aging well).

So let's do this shit, shall we? Giddy up.

Things Sara Will NOT eat:
Vegetables (except cucumbers, lettuce, and corn but not corn on the cob)
Fruits (except red apples, and seedless grapes- preferrably purple/red ones)
Roadkill
Lamb
Anything that comes out of the water (except tuna. Sometimes. Only prepared with a TINY amount of mayo)
Taters (except french fries, which I consider a vegetable...obviously)
Mustard
Barbeque sauce
Mayo or Miracle Whip
Anything orange
Ramen noodles (no matter how broke I get I will NOT resort to ramen)
Chili
Any kind of casserole/hot dish
Soup (except chicken noodle- but no veggies)
Hot drinks (except semi cooled down hot chocolate)
Bacon
Sausage
Eggs (except scrambled eggs, slightly burned, but not the whites)
Yogurt
Cottage cheese
Most juices
Bananas (I know it's a fruit- but eating bananas is the same texture as stepping into dog poo)
Funky bread (which is anything aside from white or regular wheat)
Filled donuts
Chinese food (well I have one thing I'll order from there if I must)
Pork (pretty much anything from a pig is out)
Hot dogs (have you ever seen how those are made?!)
Bratwurst
All condiments (except ketchup)
All dressings (except my specific french dressing...but I can be flexible on this if I must)
White sauces for pastas
Anything with alcohol in it (I don't drink, yall!)
Any candy flavored cherry or grape


Things Sara WILL eat:
Ketchup
Grapes
Apples
Lettuce
Cucumbers
French Dressing (but only the Lighthouse Sweet Red French kind)
Pickles (dill only, not those funky flavors. If I'm at a restaurant with good pickles, I order a side of them. In a bowl. Yum.)
Hamburger(s)
Cheese
Chicken (but not grilled in sandwiches. Grilled if I do it)
Chips (except BBQ, dill pickle, or other disgusting flavors)
Popcorn
Crackers
Salt
Pretzels (I love pretzel rods, and I basically suck the salt off first. Now THERE is a visual for ya)
Spaghetti
Noodles
Jelly/Jam (only grape, strawberry-no seeds-, and apricot-only on english muffins)
Peanut Butter
Pizza (only with pepperoni, but I usually pick those all off anyways)
Butter (only if it's completely melted. I can't eat it if I see like unmelted butter)
Candy
Ice Cream (except strawberry or other fruity flavors)

Now as you can see, I'm barely surviving. Virtually nothing on my "will eat" list is healthy for you. Most people laugh at me. I'm a huge pain in the ass when I'm trying to figure out what to eat. Except I don't make people conform to me. Nope. I'm the freak, they shouldn't have to suffer. So if we go out to restaurants, I'm the one who is pissing the waitress of with the "hold the.." and then I add every ingredient off except for one or two. Like if I order a salad (when in a pinch) I say, "Hold everything except the lettuce and cucumbers". Snickers across the table ensue.

I have become fodder for people when it comes to food. One friend said I have like the OCD for food because nothing can touch. Everything has to be specific. I usually don't eat dinner because I make normal food for Matt & the kids.

The kicker? I like to cook. I'm a pretty good cook, actually. I like chopping, dicing, slicing, frying, baking, the whole bit. BUT...I usually don't eat what I make. I also can't taste try stuff to see if I'm fucking it up. I have to rely on Matt's "Don't make that again" or "Do we have some for lunch tomorrow?" That's how I know if it's good or not. I love watching Food Network.

And there is a reason why I don't eat the things above. I have a reason other than being picky. I am such a freak that I really can't even try stuff. I will gag like it is nobody's business. I've tried. I have been trying to do the Sneaky Chef route to sneak veggies in and I cannot eat it. I can't see it, but knowing it's there....can't do it.

Are you wondering about a specific food? Leave a comment and I will let you know. :)

18 comments:

xoxoKrysten said...

I'm a major picky eater. It's a major texture thing. I don't like anything with random sauces, spreads, etc. I don't like most cheese, certain meats, cottage cheese is DISGUSTING... and I so could go on.

It's a SMIDGE embarrassing going to a restaurant and there's, like, one thing on the menu I'll eat. HATE IT.

And some things SOUND so good. But in real life I'd never eat them.

Kate said...

I don't make fun of picky eaters, not because I can emphasize, but because I don't even comprehend it.

But then, I take it to the other end of the spectrum; I am aggressively omnivorous to the point of eating "gross" food; I'll go for prairie oysters, beef tataki, squid, my own horrid ethnic food (google lutefisk and surstromming, you'll see where there's no Swedish restaurants). I think I'm too much of a glutton to get picky.

How are you with black liquorice?

Steph said...

Ramen noodles (no matter how broke I get I will NOT resort to ramen)
-A...flippin'-men to that!

Ok, I thought I was bad, but you've got me beat. This sounds creepy, but I need to borrow you for a bit. You can help get some people off my back so I don't have to take so much shit from others about the way I eat.

Now, I've got you one the won't try new foods and the gagging. I used to be anxiety ridden and terrified to try new foods. Thanks to Prozac, I'm a lot less freakish about that sort of stuff. Still can't do seafood though and that I can live with.

One last thing...I like your style. You wanna do a guest blog in the spirit of Valentine's?

egosyntonic said...

and i thought i was picky!!! wow!!!

i'm pretty flexible on most food items except for eggs. i am utterly and horribly disgusted by eggs. i mean, do those egg-eaters even know what eggs actually are?!? nasty. i'm pretty sure this stems back to a horrible experience when i was about 8... i was making a cake from a box mix and when i cracked the egg, the insides were all bloody & i swear there was a beak. I SWEAR! anywho, that's my creepy reasoning for detesting anything having to do with eggs. sick!

Danielle said...

Oh my goodness girl! I'm not sure if I can't believe all the foods you DON'T eat or the little bit of food you do it!

The pizza thing cracked me up! I had a friend who did the same thing - she would order the pizza with cheese and pepperoni and pick off all the pepperoni! When we would ask why she didn't just order a cheese pizza she said ... she liked the flavor the pepperoni left but not the taste of the actual pepperoni!

Its really cool though that you're one of those people who "suffers" alone - theres nothing worse then when you order something you like to eat and then someone says EWWWWW OMG HOW DO YOU EAT THAT?! THATS DISGUSTING! :)

Glad to know you're surviving though!

jprp said...

hmm, maybe my sister should be your bbf (best blog friend!) not me... she's been known to order a chicken salad... with no salad! she's just come out of a stage actually where she would only eat food that was brown or white!!!

Tiffany said...

I am a very picky eater and I get crap about it all the time too...

I usually don't eat at ppl's house bc they don't have anything I want. LOL...

jprp said...

oh at replying to one of your last comments... pinkberry was AWESOME! and because you choose the toppings, you could have like cuccumbers, candy and melted butter, or something equally as gross! by the way, can i just say, Ive rocked the comments and emails today hey!!! ♥

Jenn said...

I am SO with you on that banana thing! I hate the texture. I don't mind banana muffins or something where the banana is part of it, but no pieces/chunks. Like tapioca. Blech!
There really is no rhyme or reason to what you like/dislike. However, I know people who don't eat foods with ingredients they can't pronounce. That rules out a LOT of stuff, so really, your pickiness isn't that bad.

DrBrainspiller said...

Holy Christ Sara! You are probably the fussiest eater ever! We are total opposites, I will eat pretty much anything. lol.

Deidre said...

I TOTALLY FEEL YOU ON BANANAS THE TEXTURE IS DISGUSTING. Ahem, sorry about the all capitals, I feel very strongly about bananas.

I, too, am a picky eater. I am allergic to gluten (goodbye pasta, bread, anything yummy) and I'm a vegetarian...and I don't like eggplant or cooked mushrooms (I can handle them raw).

Picky eaters, unite! Let's just not all go out to dinner together, k?

Jill said...

lol how are u still alive? You need veggies for vitamins!

katrina kay said...

holy shit.

Mr O said...

That list is pretty specific. And I Love it.

Here is my no-no list:
Anything that isn't from the LAND of America

aka no seafood, asian, mexican -- any of that.

Unless it has been Americanized such as Taco Bell, fishsticks from the freezer or putting rice with chicken and calling it "Chinese food"

Smart Ass Sara said...

@Krysten- texture is a biggie. I don't like things that stick to my fork. Usually.

@Kate- we likely will never dine together.

@Steph- I don't think Prozac would help me. I did try to be hypnotized. Didn't work. I will guest blog ANY TIME!

@ego- I no longer eat eggs thanks to your comment

@Danielle- the pepperoni DOES flavor it because I pick it off too.

@jprp & Tiffany- the color (except orange) doesn't bother me a lot. Now it probably will since I'll notice it. Tiffany, no I tend to not eat at other people's houses either.

@everybody else- I know I'm picky but I'm ok with that. No, I have no idea why I am still alive and no, I'm not a size 0. I refer to myself as a city girl which means I only eat stuff processed in factories, injected with chemicals, dyes, etc. No fresh anything for me, yall!

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I have 3 things I don't eat. Raisins, shredded carrots and pineapple. People think I'm so weird because of the raisins thing.

Gini said...

It is HILARIOUS to me that your first will-eat food is ketchup! My sister used to put ketchup on everything, including peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Helena said...

Whoa. We are so different.